


Two Blue Hearts

by whiskeydays



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Boys In Love, Dean in Denial, Dyslexic Dean, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Protective Bobby Singer, Sam Winchester is Not a Winchester, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Underage Drinking, Underage Sam, but he's like 16 so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-07-28 10:43:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7637044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiskeydays/pseuds/whiskeydays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam Campbell is sixteen and still on his learner’s permit when he accidentally crashes his car into a STOP sign. He is too scared to face his parents so he decides to take his car to the local repair shop and get it repaired in secret. There he meets a 21-year-old car mechanic Dean Winchester who tells him the bad news; the damage on the car is not a cheap thing to fix. Just as Sam is about to have a nervous breakdown, Dean suggests that if Sam wants to get his car repaired with a lower price they could come up with a deal. But what happens, when things progress and despite his best efforts, Dean starts to feel not-so-friendly feelings towards Sam?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Loose Dogs and Kind Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write something like this for a long time now and finally I had time to start :) Not beta read and probably contains a shitload of mistakes (English is still not my native language) but bear with me! I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think! I try to update somewhat regularly but when university starts I might not be able to be as punctual :( (oh yeah and as usual I own nothing but the story, all the characters etc are the property of Kripke Enterprises and blaablaablaa). And to clarify, I know nothing about cars and had to google a lot of stuff for this so it's probably wildly inaccurate...

“The truth runs wild  
Like a tear down a cheek  
Trying to save face, and daddy heart break  
I'm lying through my teeth

This voice inside  
Has been eating at me  
Trying to replace the love that I fake  
With what we both need

The truth runs wild  
Like kids on concrete  
Trying to sedate my mind in its cage  
And numb what I see

Awake, wide eyed  
I'm screaming at me  
Trying to keep faith and picture his face  
Staring up at me.”  
(Troye Sivan- Heaven)

 

Sam’s fingers tapped anxiously on the wheel of the car. He eyed the clock on the dashboard of his Jeep once more. His parents would be home any minute and all hell would break loose if they found out he had been using the Jeep without permission. Even though Sam was on learner’s permit, his parents had been very clear that they didn’t want him driving the Jeep alone. Sam was usually a very good son who obeyed his parents. This was actually the first time he had broken any of the rules his parents had set for him but he had to get to the emergency Mathletes meeting held at the school on a short notice so he felt like he had no choice but to take the Jeep. 

Unfortunately, the meeting had taken longer than Sam had anticipated. That’s why he was now speeding to get home before his parents would notice that the Jeep and Sam were both missing. It wouldn’t take them long to add together two plus two which equaled Sam getting grounded for a very long time. Sam glanced at the clock again, he was sure the time was not right so he tried to reach for his phone which was at the other end of the seat next to him. He glanced quickly at the seat to see where his phone was before catching it with his free hand. “Gotcha!” he grinned triumphantly and turned his attention back to the road before him, just in time to see a dog run in front of his car out of nowhere.

“Shit!” he yelled and hit the brakes with all he got. Sam turned the wheel sharply to the right but from there on everything happened too fast for him to register. The next thing Sam realized was that his car had pulled to a stop and there was smoke coming from under the hood and the STOP-sign at the side of the road was way too close to the car. Sam opened the door and got out of the car, his stomach twisting itself into a knot and his legs shaking.

“Fuck!” Sam cried when he saw the front of the Jeep. The hood of the car was twisted into an odd angle and the passenger side front lamp was shattered. The STOP-sign seemed unaffected which gave Sam only very little comfort since it was embedded into the hood of his car. “FUCK!” Sam cried again, kicking the wheel of the Jeep which only made him curse more because it hurt his foot like hell. When he stopped jumping on one foot to ease the pain, he looked around to see if he had hit the dog that had gotten him into this mess in the first place. He looked around the deserted backroad he’d been driving. Sam searched the nearby bushes and the other side of the road but found nothing. Well at least he had been able to spare the unlucky animal from the effects of his poor driving. It gave him some comfort when he looked at his car, desperation dwelling in the bottom of his stomach.

Sam took couple of deep breathes to sooth himself. “Okay, get yourself together, Sam, you’ll get through this”, he whispered to himself, trying to calm his trembling hands. He got back in the car and tried to start the engine. To his amazement the car seemed to start with no trouble at all. Sam took another calming breath and checked his surrounding carefully before putting the gear stick in reverse and started slowly to back the Jeep away from the pole of the STOP-sign. 

Sam grimaced as the hood made an awful rattling sound but he was able to back the car away from the pole. He jumped out of the car to take another look at the damage. It wasn’t as bad as it had looked like at first. Sam put together a fast plan in his head and got back inside the car. He started driving slowly, constantly checking his surroundings for other possible animals with a death wish. He knew there was a repair shop just a couple of miles away and that he could get there using the isolated backroads. Sam felt awful and guilty, the knot in his stomach tightening. First of all he had taken the Jeep without his parents’ permission and now he was planning on hiding what he had done to the car.

A sigh of relief escaped Sam’s lungs when he saw the red sign of the Singer Auto Repair. He pulled to a stop in the front yard. Now Sam’s only worry was what if the shop had already closed. He got out of the car, locked it and made his way to the front door in a hurry. He let out another sigh of relief when he pulled at the door handle and it opened, the little bell at the top chiming in a way that sounded like an angel choir to Sam. The shop was empty and most of the lights were already out which made Sam hesitate a bit but he still walked to the front desk. He looked around, expecting someone to come to the desk and to his rescue.

“Hello? Is anyone here?” Sam asked, his voice echoing in the large space. Then the door leading to the garage slid open and a head peeked through it. A boy, no a man, with dirty blond hair and the greenest eyes Sam had ever seen stared at Sam, looking a bit flabbergasted before a wide smile spread on his face. “Thought I heard someone! Sorry buddy but we’re closed for the day, I was just about to come and lock the door and leave myself”, the green-eyed man said apologetically, stepping fully into the same room with Sam. 

“Please you gotta help me! I dodged a dog that ran in front of my car and hit a STOP-sign and the car’s not looking very good. Could you please at least take a look at it? Please I’m beg…” Sam babbled without noticing that the man had put his hands up in the air and was almost laughing at Sam’s outburst of panic. “Dude! Chill! I’ll look at your car, no need to have a meltdown”, the green-eyed man laughed wholeheartedly at Sam. Sam let out a long breath, feeling a weight being lifted from his shoulders. “Thank you! It’s right outside, follow me”, Sam said, almost running outside to his car, the other man following his lead.

“Shit. You must really love dogs. I probably would’ve just ran over the puppy before letting this happen to my car”, the man said once they were outside as he saw Sam’s car. The man probably noticed the horror on Sam’s face because he chuckled slightly and waved his hand at Sam’s direction. “Relax man, I was just kidding. Even though there’s nothing funny about this. Poor Jeep”, the man said, grimacing at the condition of the car. “Can you give me an estimation or something?” Sam said, fiddling his hands nervously.

The green-eyed man turned to Sam, crossing his hands and eyeing Sam suspiciously. “Are you old enough to drive? Have you been drinking?” he asked Sam. Sam huffed and crossed his arms defiantly in return. “I have my learner’s permit in the car if you wanna see it. And no I haven’t been drinking! I was driving home from a Mathletes' meeting and the freaking dog decided that it was an excellent time to jump in front of my car. Can you… can you do something about the car? I promised my parents I wouldn’t drive it alone but I had to get to the meeting and then this happened and… please help me. I have money saved up, I can pay for the repair, my parents don’t need to know about this, they would never let me drive again if they knew about this. Oh god, I’ll be using the bus until I’m eighty…” Sam babbled, his defiance drying out, getting caught in the depths of desperation again.

The man put his hand on Sam’s shoulder in a calming manner. “Dude, chill. No one has died. Not even the freaking dog. Calm down, you’re gonna have a panic attack if you keep working yourself up like that”, the man said, squeezing Sam’s shoulder reassuringly before letting go. Sam took couple of calming breaths. The dusty blonde eyed him carefully. “Better?” he asked. Sam let out a long sigh. “Yeah, better. Thanks”, he said, giving the man a wavering smile. “Okay, good. Can you pop the hood up for so I can take a look around?” the man asked, rolling his sleeves up. Sam nodded and got in the car, pulling the handle that unlocked the hood. The man opened the hood and took a long, hard look inside, fidgeting something with his fingers.

Sam stood beside him, looking under the hood even though he understood nothing of what he saw. The man made a clicking sound with his tongue and closed the hood. “With a quick look I’d say you’re looking at an overheated engine, leaking coolant and oil, and white smoke from the exhaust. The gasket itself is cheap enough, but the labor is hard work. I’d have to get the car up to get a better look but my quick estimate is that the cost of this is around 1000 dollars to 2000 dollars. No more than 2500 dollars though, that I can promise”, the man said, looking apologetic. Sam felt like fainting. 

“2000 dollars! I… I don’t have that kind of money! I thought it would be like 600 dollars or something, that I could afford. Oh my god, my parents are going to kill me, I’ll be grounded until I leave for college, oh god…” Sam babbled again, leaning against the car because he suddenly felt weak at the knees. The man looked at him apologetically. “Sorry dude, it’s an old car and the parts for this particular model are not the cheapest ones either. You could probably get the parts for the 600 dollars you were talking about but like I said, the labor is hard work and it’s not gonna be cheap”, the dusty blond said, feeling bad for the boy. A silence fell between them but suddenly his concerned look lifted, his face lighting up and he gave Sam a huge, wicked grin.

“Unless… I sometimes work on cars on my free time, just for the fun of it. The guy who owns this shop has a huge garage which he lets me use because he’s a good friend of my dad’s. I haven’t worked on a project of my own in a while but I think it might be a time for me to start a new one. What do you say, you pay for the parts and help me around with anything I might need and buy me a tasty burger meal when the job’s done? It’ll be a lot cheaper when you don’t have to pay for the work and I know a few guys who sell slightly used but cheap parts so I could maybe go even as low as 500 dollars for the whole thing if we’re lucky”, the dusty blond said, tilting his head in a questioning manner. 

“Are you.. are you serious? You’d do that for me?” Sam asked, hating the slight tremble in his voice. “Sure, buddy. Can’t miss those Mathletes' meetings because you’re grounded, now can you? I’m Dean by the way. Dean Winchester”, the man, Dean, said and stretched out his hand to dumbfounded Sam. “So do we have a deal?” Dean asked, smirking at Sam’s facial expression. Sam took Dean’s hand and shook it firmly, unable to stop a huge, relieved grin from forming on his face. 

“Hell yeah! Just tell me what I need to do and I’ll help you every way I can! I’m reliable and I work hard and I can pay you up front and..” Sam started babbling again. Dean let out a wholehearted laugh. “Dude, babbling again. Don’t worry, I trust you. I have a hard time believing that a dog-loving Mathlete would let me down”, Dean laughed and winked at Sam. Sam blushed and stared at the ground, feeling a bit ashamed for acting like such a child. He glanced at Dean. He probably wasn’t much older than Sam after all. Sam estimated him to be around twenty or so. “My name’s Sam. Sam Campbell”, Sam said, smiling at Dean. Dean grinned back at him.

“I’ll lock up the shop and get my car from the backyard and I’ll come and get ya, okay?” Dean said before turning around and disappearing inside the shop. Sam stood paralyzed for a moment, unable to believe his luck. Then he got in the Jeep and started the car. He didn’t have to wait long when he heard an engine roaring and a shiny, black Chevy drove from behind the shop and stopped to the side of his car. Sam stared at the car, mouth agape. He had never been a huge fan of cars and he didn’t understand much about them but even he had to admit that Dean’s car was beautiful. Dean pulled to a stop and rolled the window down. “Follow my lead!” he yelled over the roar of the engine. And Sam did, smiling like Christmas had come early that year.

Twenty minutes later they arrived to a cluttered yard that had an old, worn sign that said ‘Singer Salvage’. Dean parked his car and opened the door of the garage with his own key, motioning Sam to drive in. Sam parked the Jeep inside the garage and hopped out. “It’s getting late and I have stuff to do at home, but I’ll take a good look at her tomorrow and I’ll let you know what I’ll find. Do you have someone who can drive you home or do you need a ride?” Dean asked, eyeing the Jeep before turning to Sam. Sam felt a bit awkward asking Dean for a ride. Dean had already done so much for him and Sam was already wondering how he could ever pay him back.

“Umm, yeah, I don’t really have a ride home. But it’s okay, I can take the bus. Or I’ll walk, walking’s good too”, Sam said, smiling shyly at Dean. Dean waved his hand. “Nonsense! Come on, me and Baby will take you home, just take your stuff and lock the car doors and we’ll get going”, Dean grinned happily. Sam found himself grinning back. Dean’s smile and happy-go-lucky attitude were contagious. Sam grabbed his backpack and phone from the seat and locked the doors before handing the keys to Dean who put them in a desk drawer before locking the drawer. They walked out of the garage and Dean shut and locked the door behind them before they both slid into Dean’s car.

Sam chuckled slightly. “What?” Dean asked as he started the car and drove off from the Salvage. “You call your car Baby?” Sam grinned. Now it was Dean’s turn to blush. “So? She is my baby”, Dean said with a defensive tone in his voice. Sam chuckled slightly. “Sorry didn’t mean to offend you, just thought it was a bit funny”, Sam smirked. Dean smiled back at him. “So how old are you anyways, if I may ask, Mr. Mathlete?” Dean asked. Sam found himself eyeing Dean up and down. Dean had a short, dirty blonde hair and the greenest eyes Sam had ever seen. They reminded Sam of a freshly cut grass on a hot summer day and he liked the way they shined when Dean smiled. Dean was wearing worn-out jeans and boots and a faded black Metallica T-shirt. His arms were muscular but they looked like they were formed by hard work and not by hitting the gym. Dean was tanned and his arms and face were littered with freckles that looked like little golden specks on his smooth skin.

“I’m sixteen. I’ll turn seventeen at the end of this year”, Sam answered and turned his gaze reluctantly to the road ahead of them. He could’ve looked at Dean a bit longer but he didn’t want to get caught staring. “Sixteen huh? Thought you’d be older, maybe couple of years younger than me. It’s probably the height, I bet you hear this all the time but you’re really tall for your age, almost as tall as me and I’m already twenty-one so I must’ve stopped growing”, Dean said to Sam. Usually Sam got irritated at people who brought up his height. Yes, he was tall for his age and hadn’t even stopped growing yet but after a while it got a bit boring when that was the only thing people seemed to notice about him. But there was something about the way Dean said it that just made Sam grin stupidly. 

Sam gave Dean the directions to his house and fifteen minutes later Dean pulled to a stop in front of it. “Thank you very much Dean. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. You really saved my day and I don’t know how I can even start to repay you”, Sam said, smiling shyly, feeling a bit awkward at how generous Dean had been to him. “Well you can start by giving me your number”, Dean smirked. The backpack Sam was holding slipped from his hands and fell to the floor of the car and Sam had to dive down to get it. When he got back up his face was burning crimson. Even Dean looked a bit ashamed of his choice of words and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Well that came out a bit wrong. I meant that I’ll need your number so I can contact you about the car and stuff”, Dean laughed, a slight blush painting his cheeks, making the freckles pop. He gave Sam his phone and Sam dialed and saved his number. “Yeah, so, I guess I’ll see you around then”, Dean said and smiled, looking Sam in the eyes. “Yeah, and thanks again for everything. I promise I’ll buy you the best hamburger meal in town after this”, Sam said, smiling back at Dean. “I’ll hold you to that promise”, Dean smirked. Sam got out of the car and waved at Dean who waved back at him before he drove away.

Once Sam got inside, he shut the front door and leaned back against it. He could hear his parents in the kitchen. His mom’s head peeked to the hallway, a loving smile forming on her lips when she saw Sam. “Hi sweety! I was just about to call you and ask where you are. Dinner’s almost ready, go wash your hands and help your dad set up the table now will you?” Mary said and went back to the kitchen. Sam practically ran up the stairs to his room and shut the door with a relieved sigh. The Jeep was normally kept in the shed on their backyard because they didn’t have enough room for it in the garage, so as long as Sam would get the Jeep back before either of his parents went to the shed, he’d be safe. Nobody would ever have to know about what happened. Except for Sam and Dean of course. Sam tossed his backpack onto the bed and was going to head back downstairs to help his father when he heard a sound coming from his phone, indicating he had a new WhatsApp message. 

Sam took his phone and unlocked it, finding out he had one new message from an unknown number. He opened it and a wide smile spread on his face. The message said: “Hi Sammy :) -Dean”. Sam typed a message saying “Hi Dean :) -Sam” before sending it and saving Dean’s number. Then he skipped down the stairs, whistling as he went.


	2. Of Classic Rock and Dimples

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is probably littered with mistakes but I've been rather busy lately so... hope you enjoy it nevertheless! :)

The next day went rather smoothly for Sam. In the morning he was feeling rather anxious because he was sure his mother possessed some weird ability to read his mind. That was the only explanation Sam could come up with to how his mother always seemed to know when he had done something he shouldn’t have. So the whole morning Sam fidgeted anxiously, waiting for his mother to ask if he had something he wanted to tell her. But the question never came, instead his mother simply kissed him on the temple, wished him a good day at school and left for work. Sam’s dad took him to school and gave him an odd look because for once Sam didn’t insist that he should drive.

It wasn’t until lunch when Sam checked his phone. He had three messages; one from his friend Charlie (who was asking what the Mathletes emergency meeting was about), one from his mother (who said she would be home late and after that they’d go to the theater with Sam’s father) and one from Dean. Sam’s heart skipped a beat as he opened the message from Dean.

Dean 10:24 am: Hiyya Sammy! I’m getting off work early today and I was planning on going to the Salvage after that. You wanna join me to see what’s up with the Jeep? I can pick you up if you want :)

A stupid, happy grin on his face Sam typed his answer.

Sam 11:36am: Hi! Sure if it’s not too much trouble for you :) I’d really like to help the best I can

The reply came almost instantly.

Dean 11:37am: No problem at all dude, nice to have company at the garage. I’ll pick you up at 6pm? Have to make a quick stop at home after work

Sam 11:37am: Sounds good!

Dean’s reply was just a thumbs up emoji.

Sam pocketed his phone after replying Charlie and his mother. There was a permanent smile on his face for the rest of the day which he convinced himself was just because he was getting away with murder; nobody except Dean and him would ever know about what happened to the Jeep. The reason for his smile was most certainly not the fact that he would get to see the greenest eyes he’d ever seen again that evening.

**********

Dean almost skipped to his car after work. He had all the reasons in the world to be happy; only one day left at work before the weekend, the weather was perfect and he had a nice new project waiting for him which he was able to work with someone. It was a first time in a long time for Dean; he was used to working car projects by himself. It would be a nice change to do it with someone else and Sam seemed to be easy to work with. Dean also felt kind of good about the fact that he was helping the boy out. 

Sam also seemed like a good boy and Dean didn’t think he deserved the punishment for what happened to the Jeep. At Sam’s age Dean had been a right fuck-up, drinking and partying too much, changing girls every week and ending up being a high school dropout. Not that it mattered much, it wasn’t like he would have gone to college or anything even if he hadn’t dropped out. Dean loved cars and he loved his work at the Singer Auto Repair Shop. To be honest Dean didn’t think people had actually expected him to amount to even that much. 

Considering the way he had been in his teens it was a miracle that he wasn’t a raging alcoholic who had few kids with different women and an apartment on the wrong side of the town. Main reason for that was Bobby Singer who had seen the road Dean was headed down and given him a job in his repair shop. Dean was ever grateful for that and his aim was to do his work so well Bobby would never have to regret taking Dean under his wing.

Dean parked his car next to the sidewalk and almost ran up the stairs to his third floor apartment. It was a cozy, quite small, one-bedroom apartment but it had everything Dean needed and the water pressure of the shower was nice. He tossed his keys on the kitchen counter and went to his bedroom to change his work clothes into something cleaner. Even though he wore work overalls at the repair shop his clothes still tended to have grease stains and dust in them when he got home. Dean stripped himself to his underwear and tossed his jeans and black T-shirt into the laundry bin. He put on his favorite Led Zeppelin T-shirt that was so worn it was almost see-through and his old denim shorts which felt a lot better in the scorching Louisiana weather than his jeans.

Dean took the left-over sandwich he had in the fridge, grabbed his keys from the counter and ran downstairs, eating the sandwich as he went. He wanted to spend as much time with the Jeep as possible. And he didn’t mind Sam’s company either.

**********

Sam was already standing on the sidewalk in front of the house when Dean pulled to a stop. Sam slid into the car, small smile playing on his lips, showing the dimples Dean hadn’t noticed before. “Hiyya Sammy”, Dean grinned. Sam’s smile widened, making the dimples more prominent. Dean found himself staring at them. “Hi Dean”, Sam answered. Sam was wearing his black running shorts with white, low-cut Converses and a white T-shirt that was already sticking to his damp skin. The day had been extra hot and Sam felt like he wanted to do nothing more than lay in a pile of ice.

“I called a friend today at lunch, he lives out of town and buys and sells used car parts. He said he has some of the parts I’m pretty sure I’ll need for the Jeep and he promised to make an inquiry to some of the people he knows who might have good parts”, Dean said, flipping a new cassette into the old player. The harsh guitar riffs of AC/DC filled the car. “Thanks, Dean, that sounds awesome”, Sam said, tapping his fingers to the seat along with the music. Dean glanced at him.

“You like AC/DC?” Dean asked. Sam shrugged. “I guess it’s good. It’s just a bit, you know… old”, Sam said. Dean looked horrified. “Old? OLD? Dude it’s not old, it’s a classic. I swear to God, teenagers today have no taste in music”, Dean said, shaking his head, trying to give Sam a disappointed look but failing miserably as a mischievous smile pulled on his lips. Sam rolled his eyes. “Please, like you’re that much older than me”, he said. Instead of answering, Dean just gave him a wicked grin which sent shivers down Sam’s spine.

They arrived at the Salvage, Dean putting his precious car on park and unlocking the garage door. Sam followed suit, a grim look on his face when he saw the Jeep. It didn’t look any better than it had last night. Dean eyed the car with his hands on his hips. “He really did a number on you, now did he?” Dean huffed and it took a moment for Sam to realize he was actually talking to Sam’s Jeep. “Are you seriously talking to the car?” Sam asked, not sure whether to laugh or cry at Dean’s antics. “Shhh, sometimes they like to be talked to”, Dean shushed, waving his hand dismissively at Sam’s direction. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Sam asked, deciding it was better to laugh after all. He sure as hell hoped that Dean didn’t turn out to be some kind of a weirdo who would fix his Jeep and then slice and dice Sam into the trunk.

Dean turned to him with a devilish grin that made Sam’s stomach turn because of reasons. The reasons being more or less that the grin made Dean’s eyes shine like stars on a velvety night sky. “Language, young Mathlete! Come on, you need to loosen up a bit, kid. It was a joke. Even I don’t love cars that much”, Dean grinned before getting serious. “Okay, we need to get her up so I can take a better look”, Dean said before popping the drawer open and getting the keys to the Jeep. He unlocked the doors and hopped in with one swift movement. He started the Jeep and carefully drove it up on the four post hoist. When Dean was sure the car was steadily on the hoist, he jumped out again and used the switch on the side of the hoist to lift the whole thing up.

“You might wanna make yourself comfortable, this will probably take a while. This hoist ain’t as good as the one we have at the repair shop so I have to slide under the car to get a better look. I’ll ask for wrenches and other stuff and your job is to find the right one and hand it to me, okay? Who knows, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two while we’re at it”, Dean said and winked at Sam before sliding under the car on a creeper.

They worked like that for a long time, Dean telling Sam what kind of tool he needed and where Sam could find it. Dean also kept constantly explaining Sam what he was doing under the car and why. If someone had told Sam he would be sitting hours on end in a garage, listening to someone explain to him what they were doing from under a car, Sam would have told them no way in hell. But there was something mesmerizing about Dean’s voice and the way he explained things had Sam glued to his seat, listening carefully, taking in all the new information. Dean’s voice was rough and low, much lower than one would expect a man of his age to have but it was captivating. At times, when Sam was sure Dean couldn’t see him from under the car, Sam closed his eyes and just listened to Dean’s soothing, rough voice.

It seemed like no time had passed at all when Dean slid out from under the Jeep, holding some of its parts in his hands. He was sweaty and his face was littered with black grease stains. Sam tried his best not to stare at how Dean’s thin shirt clung onto his sweaty body. “Well I have good news and bad news. Good news is that there are less parts that need replacing than I first thought. Bad news is that the parts might be a bit hard to find but not to worry, I’ll call my buddy first thing tomorrow morning and ask him if he’s able to get me the parts on short notice. I could go and pick them up during the weekend so at the beginning of next week we could get his show on the road, so to speak”, Dean said, wiping his forehead with the hem of his shirt, exposing a large strip of his toned, tanned abs. Sam tried to keep his eyes on Dean’s face.

“You want something to drink? Jeez, I feel like I’m burning up in here”, Dean said and opened the small fridge that was on the table next to the wrenches and other car stuff. He took out a bottle of water and handed another one to Sam. “Let’s go outside to talk our game plan, it’s hot as balls in here, as Bobby would say”, Dean said and walked outside before Sam had time to answer. Once outside Sam took a long breath. Sure it was still searing hot but unlike the garage at least there was a light breeze outside. It was only then when Sam realized how sweaty he actually was. 

Dean wasted no time, taking his shirt off and popping the cap of his bottle open before taking a long sip of water. Then he continued by pouring some of the water on his face, from where it dribbled down to Dean’s toned chest and all the way down to the edge of his denim shorts. Sam felt suddenly very aware of everything around himself. He quickly opened his bottle of water and took a long sip, trying hard not to stare but ending up ogling shamelessly at Dean, who didn’t seem to notice though. 

Dean let out a content sigh and sat down to one of the lawn chairs in front of the garage. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, running his free hand through his wet hair. Sam sat on the chair next to Dean’s, keeping his eyes firmly on the bottle in his hand instead of Dean’s toned upper body. Sam felt his cheeks burn and hoped to God that Dean would think it was just the effect of the Louisiana heat instead of the heat of Dean.

“So, uhm, you’re gonna go and get the parts this weekend?” Sam asked, still keeping his eyes on the bottle. “Yeah I have the weekend off so it fits perfectly. Good thing I hadn’t planned anything yet”, Dean said, staring at the baby blue sky that was quickly turning pink and orange from the setting sun. Crickets were chirping somewhere nearby and a couple of barn swallows were flying aimlessly around, high above the ground. “Do you mind if I come with?” Sam asked shyly, finally looking up from his hands, just to find green eyes staring at him. The setting sun reflected from Dean’s eyes and the evening light gave his skin a warm glow, the freckles dusting his face looking like little specks of gold. 

Dean smiled at Sam but it was different from before. It wasn’t a devilish grin but a soft, almost gentle smile. “Not at all. It’s an hour’s drive on a dusty country road, boring as hell. It would be nice to have company”, Dean answered, sipping on his water. “Saturday okay with ya? I’m working tomorrow but I have Saturday and Sunday off so I was thinking about going on Saturday afternoon so that the guy getting the parts for me has some time to ask around”, Dean said, gazing at the sky, trying his best not to stare too intensely at the hazel eyes and dimpled cheeks.

“Yeah Saturday’s good. I have baseball practice but it’s not until later on the evening so it’s good”, Sam said, smiling back at Dean. He felt at ease around Dean. It felt weird that Sam had met the guy just the day before. Even with the age difference Dean was easy to talk to. “Baseball? Really? You play baseball?” Dean asked, sounding interested all of a sudden. Sam tried his best not to look offended at the amazed tone in Dean voice. “Yeah I play baseball. Is it hard to believe or something?” Sam asked, sounding way more offended than he had intended, kicking himself internally. He didn’t want to seem childish in Dean’s eyes. 

Dean chuckled slightly. “No, not at all man, you have the build for it, you look like a fast runner. I just didn’t take you as someone who was into sports. You seem more…” Dean paused, looking for the right word. “Like a nerd?” Sam suggested, sounding grimmer than he had intended, kicking himself once again. Dean laughed softly. “Not the word I had in mind. I was thinking more in the lines of delicate”, Dean said, emptying the rest of his water on himself before tossing the empty bottle into the nearby garbage bin. “That’s even worse! Makes me sound like a girl”, Sam protested, crossing his arms defiantly even though he knew it made him look like a little kid.

Dean gave him a wicked grin. “Grow that hair a bit longer and I might as well call you Samantha”, Dean roared with laughter. “Haa-haa, very funny”, Sam muttered, looking at Dean who was laughing at his own joke. “No but dude, all jokes aside, the team you play in… it doesn’t happen to be the Harrington High School Hurricanes?” Dean asked, something serious about the way he leaned forward in his lawn chair. Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah exactly that one. How did ya know?” Sam asked, sounding a bit suspicious. Dean shrugged. “Well I happened to play in the Hurricanes when I was still in high school”, Dean answered, trying to look nonchalant but Sam saw right through him. There was something Dean wasn’t telling him. Just as Sam was about to ask more questions, Dean looked at his phone. “Oh, look at the time. I think we need to continue this some other time. Come on, buddy, I’ll take you home”, Dean said, giving Sam his trademark grin before getting up and disappearing into the garage. Sam wasn’t sure if he was just imagining it but there seemed to be something forced in the way Dean smiled. Like the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes the way it usually did.

Sam snapped out of his thoughts when Dean came back outside, now fully dressed and slammed the garage door shut, locking it firmly. “Ready to go?” he asked Sam. Sam stumbled up, threw his empty water bottle into the garbage bin and hurried after Dean who had already started his car and was now blasting Metallica on full volume.   
Dean dropped Sam off again, telling the boy he would pick him up 10 am on Saturday. Sam waved at him as he drove off, smiling from ear to ear. Dean found himself glancing at Sam from the review mirror as he drove away. There was something about the boy that made Dean feel stress-free, like he could be himself around the kid. 

Dean drove home and parked the Impala on behind the small apartment building he lived in. Once inside he poured himself a double scotch and relaxed on the couch, lifting his feet on the coffee table. He turned the TV on and flipped through the channels lazily. Some teen drama, pass. TV shop, pass. The news, pass. Baseball. Dean’s finger lingered on the button of the remote control and there was an unpleasant sinking feeling in his stomach. He hoped Sam hadn’t notice anything weird about him when Dean had asked about the baseball team Sam played in. Dean shook his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts and switched channels again as he took a long sip of his scotch. Rerun of Dr Sexy M.D. Dean smiled contently and took a better position on the couch. This was exactly what he needed right now.


	3. Of Good Burgers and Baseball Practices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has sexual content but it's still really vanilla. Mentioned homophobia and past child abuse.

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough for Sam. He was really looking forward to spending the day with Dean. They hadn’t talked after Thursday evening at the garage, but when Sam was laying on his bed on Friday night, texting with Charlie and the Mathletes group chat, there was suddenly a new message from Dean. A wide smile spread on Sam’s face and he left the other Mathletes to argue about their strategy to the upcoming match and opened Dean’s message.

Dean 8:15 pm: You still up for tomorrow?

Sam’s smile faltered a bit. Didn’t Dean want him to come with?

Sam 8:16 pm: Of course! I mean if you still want me to

Dean 8:17 pm: Yeah of course man, just checking

Dean 8:18 pm: So how’s school and stuff? I was at the garage today, took more parts out of the Jeep and double-checked all the parts we’ll need

Sam felt a weird happiness bubble inside himself. Dean wasn’t just checking if Sam was coming along. He wanted to actually talk to Sam about other stuff than just the Jeep.

Sam 8:20 pm: School’s fine, we have Mathletes match against Dansville next week so we’ve been going through the strategies and stuff. You shouldn’t spend your whole free time with the Jeep, it makes me feel even worse that you’re getting nothing out of it. I can’t even pay you properly

Dean 8:23 pm: It’s fine dude, I told you I like working on cars. It might feel weird to you but I actually had fun yesterday  
Sam felt pleased that he wasn’t the only one who had enjoyed themselves. He smiled stupidly at his phone.

Sam 8:25 pm: It’s not weird, I understand. And I had fun too, believe it or not. I might not be into cars as much as you but I think I actually learned a lot of new things about them

Dean 8:26 pm: Good to know I have a positive influence on you, young Jedi

Sam 8:27 pm: Dude you’re not that much older than me, get off your high-horse

Dean 8:28 pm: It’s not about the age, I just happen to have much more experience than you

Dean 8:28 pm: But I still have stuff I need to get done tonight. I’ll pick up at 10 am. Night Sammy

Sam 8:30 pm: Yeah okay, night Dean

Sam put his phone on the bedside table before stretching himself on his bed. Even though he tried not to, he couldn’t stop wondering what else kind of experience might Dean have he could teach Sam.

**********

The morning came too soon for Dean who had fallen asleep on his couch, watching some stupid sci-fi movie and forgotten to set the alarm. So when he pulled to a stop in front of Sam’s house his hair was still mussed from sleep and there was a long red mark on his cheek where the edge of the couch had pressed on his face. Dean wasn’t really a morning person to begin with and the fact that he hadn’t had time to eat or drink anything wasn’t helping. Sam was already waiting for him, looking as cheery as ever in his denim shorts and short sleeved button down shirt. Sam slid into the car, holding two thermal coffee mugs in his hands.

“Hi Dean. Not sure if you drink coffee but I brought you one. You want it?” Sam asked and Dean was sure he was an angel sent from heaven. “You have no idea how much I need coffee at the moment. Thanks Sammy”, Dean said, taking the mug, putting the car in park, searching for his phone. “Could you maybe call my phone? I don’t know where the fuck I put it”, Dean muttered, running his hand under the seat. Sam took his phone and dialed Dean’s number. “It’s ringing”, Sam said. But the car remained silent.

“Son of a bitch! I must’ve left it at home”, Dean cursed, running a hand through hair, taking a long breath and even a longer sip of the coffee. ‘Focus, Dean!’ he told himself. Then he turned to Sam who was sipping his coffee, looking at Dean with his eyebrows raised. “Sorry dude, we need to make a short stop at my place. I forgot my phone and I need it to contact Garth and I can’t remember his number and ugh.. sorry Sam, my morning hasn’t gone smoothly so far”, Dean apologized and put the car in drive as he made a U-turn and started driving back the way he came from. “It’s okay, I’m not in a hurry. My baseball practice doesn’t start until 7 pm”, Sam replied with a smile on his face and Dean couldn’t help but smile back. Sam’s cheerfulness was contagious.

Dean parked the car in front of his apartment building, turning to Sam. “You wanna wait here or come with?” he asked. “I can come with if you don’t mind”, Sam answered, smiling slightly. Dean grinned back at him. “Okay let’s go, kiddo”, Dean said and he could swear he heard Sam mutter ‘Dude I’m sixteen’, under his breath. Dean’s grin widened. He liked teasing Sam.

Dean opened the door to his apartment and stepped in. “Make yourself at home, I have a phone to find”, Dean said, heading straight to his bedroom. Sam stood in the doorway, looking around curiously. He stepped into the living room and smirked as he saw a huge picture of Dean’s car framed on the wall above the TV. ‘Why doesn’t he just marry the car since he’s so in love with it?’ Sam thought to himself, wandering further into the apartment. Suddenly Dean bursted through the bedroom door. “Where the fuck did I put it…”, Dean muttered to himself, continuing his search in the living room. Sam peeked through the open door to get a glimpse of Dean’s bedroom. Dean’s bed was unmade and the back wall was littered with different posters of Dean’s favorite bands. Sam’s eyes lingered on a pair of boxers left haphazardly on the floor.

“Found it!” Dean said gleefully, his voice much closer to Sam than Sam had anticipated. Sam jumped a little when he realized Dean was standing right next to him. Sam felt a blush creeping on his cheeks for being so damn curious and he hoped Dean hadn’t noticed him peeking through Dean’s bedroom door. “Come on let’s get going, I’ll give you the grand tour some other time”, Dean said smiling. Sam smiled back. First of all Dean hadn’t notice Sam gazing at his personal space and second of all, Dean was apparently planning on asking Sam to visit his apartment more than just this once. Sam followed Dean out of the apartment and to the car, feeling the sizzling sunshine warm his face just as much as Dean’s words had warmed his heart.

**********

They drove in silence most of the way, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. Sam actually felt really comfortable not talking and laughed when Dean occasionally broke into song when there was a part in a song he especially liked. “Come on Sammy! It’s a beautiful day, the birds are singing and the beautiful girls are wearing short skirts and the dogs are… doggy-ing or whatever it is that they do. You have to sing with me!” Dean had to yell for Sam to hear him because he had turned the music up so loud when AC/DC’s Highway to Hell came on. 

Sam laughed so hard that his cheeks and stomach started hurting but he joined Dean on the chorus: “I'm on the highway to hell! On the highway to hell! Highway to hell! I'm on the highway to hell! No stop signs, speed limit, nobody's gonna slow me down. Like a wheel, gonna spin it. Nobody's gonna mess me around. Hey, Satan, payin' my dues, playin' in a rockin' band. Hey, mamma, look at me, I'm on the way to the promised land.” Sam sang and laughed so hard he was totally out of breath, gasping for air, leaning his head back against the seat. Dean laughed like a maniac, his green eyes shining like emeralds in the bright sunshine, making Sam not want to turn his gaze away. Dean looked at him, smirking like an idiot, but his smile faltered when his eyes met Sam’s. There was something dwelling behind those green eyes, some feeling Sam couldn’t quite grasp and Dean turned his eyes to the road before Sam could pinpoint what he had just seen.

They talked about trivial things, like what kind of cars Dean had worked on this week at the repair shop and what Sam thought his weaknesses were to the next weeks Mathletes' match. Time seemed to fly by and before Sam even realized, Dean was already parking his car in front of a small farmhouse. Dean and Sam got out of the car and Dean waved happily to the man coming from behind the house. 

“Hi Garth! How are ya, my man?” Dean said and hugged the smaller and thinner man quickly, patting him on the back so hard Sam was sure he would break Garth’s spine. Then Dean turned to Sammy, eyes shining and so bright Sam had to look away. “Garth, this is the kid I told you about. Sam, this is Garth, Garth, Sam”, Dean introduced them and Sam offered his hand to shake but Garth drew him close and hugged him instead. Sam patted the smaller man on the back awkwardly. Dean laughed at Sam’s obvious discomfort. 

“Sorry, Sammy, should’ve warned you that Garth is a hugger”, Dean smirked. “And proud of it too”, Garth said and smiled to Sam in a friendly manner and Sam took an instant liking to the man. “I heard you’re having some trouble with your Jeep? Well come on in, let’s take a look at the parts I was able to gather and discuss the price”, Garth said and motioned them to follow him inside.

Inside Garth had a large folding table filled with different car parts, big and small and Dean started instantly going through them. Sam looked at Dean, fascinated by the enthusiasm on the blonde’s face as he went through the table’s contents. Dean and Garth discussed the parts and argued about the price while Sam sat on to the nearest chair he could find, having no opinion on the matter whatsoever. After bickering about the price for a time that seemed like an eternity to Sam, Dean and Garth seemed to come to a mutual understanding. They shook hands and Dean turned to look at Sam, the impression on his face bright enough to light up the whole room. Dean looked like he had performed successful open heart surgery or ran ten marathons and made it to the Guinness book of records. It made something jump inside Sam, the way Dean smiled at him, clearly happy that he had managed to make such a good deal for Sam.

“You can thank me later, Sammy, but let’s just put it this way; Garth should be topless by now 'cause I just took the shirt off his back”, Dean said, grinning like a madman. Garth rolled his eyes behind Dean’s back in a way that made Sam laugh. Garth made them some coffee and Sam paid him for the parts and thanked him for the trouble, to which Garth replied it was no trouble at all and he was happy to help. “A friend of Dean’s is a friend of mine”, Garth said and smiled wholeheartedly at Sam. Sam’s heart skipped a beat and he wondered if Dean had used the word ‘friend’ when he had talked about Sam. Sam thanked Garth once again and allowed Garth to hug him, even though he felt a bit odd hugging a man he had met just over an hour ago. Dean hugged Garth, telling him to take care and come and visit Dean.

Dean put all the parts they had bought carefully into the trunk, waved at Garth who was sitting on the porch and drove off. Sam started digging his wallet. Dean had been right; he had made a really good deal on the parts, saving Sam a lot of money. Sam took out forty bucks and put them on the dashboard. Dean glanced at them, looking perplexed. “What’s that?” he asked Sam. “For the gas. I bet this car uses a lot of fuel so I though forty would be okay. Or do you need more?” Sam asked, turning to Dean who was looking almost annoyed. “I don’t need money for the gas, just keep it”, Dean said and the tone of his voice made something twist inside Sam. Dean sounded like he was talking through gritted teeth and Sam could not understand why Dean would be angry for Sam wanting to pay for the gas.

“But you’re helping me out so much already, it’s not really fair that you pay for the gas when the only reason you had to drive here and back was because of me”, Sam complained. He already felt like he was taking advantage of Dean’s immense generosity and he didn’t want to come off as a total tight-wad. Dean glanced at Sam and now Sam saw he was actually angry. Dean grabbed the money from the dashboard and put them back on Sam’s hands, squeezing Sam’s fingers around them. Sam’s skin felt like it was on fire where Dean had touched him. Dean’s hands were calloused and rough from all the work he did with them, but they were also warm and gentle.

“Friends don’t pay for gas in my car. Keep your money”, Dean muttered so quietly Sam had trouble hearing what he said. A small smile played on Sam’s lips at the word that was there again. Friend. Dean considered him a friend. “Okay well at least let me buy you a burger? I saw a diner when we were driving to Garth’s. I don’t know about you but I’m starving”, Sam suggested, almost holding his breath as he waited for Dean’s answer. Dean stared at him, emotionless for a while, before a wide grin crept on his face. “I’ve never said no to a free hamburger in my life and I ain’t gonna start now. You’re on”, Dean said and winked at Sam, who swiftly looked away, embarrassed by the effect Dean’s wink had on him.

They stopped at the diner where Sam ordered the veggie burger and Dean took a hamburger with extra bacon. Dean teased Sam about his hamburger choice and told him that ‘a growing boy should not be living on rabbit’s food alone’. They were sipping their huge cokes when Sam’s phone beeped several times in a row, indicating a series of WhatsApp messages. Sam unlocked his phone and read through the six messages that were from Charlie. She was spending the weekend at a nearby comic convention and according to the messages she was having an awesome time, cosplaying as Princess Zelda and flirting with Princess Peach. Sam smiled at his phone as he wrote a quick reply to Charlie.

When Sam pocketed his phone and looked up, he found Dean staring at him. “Is a special someone texting you?” Dean asked in a sing-song voice. Sam rolled his eyes. “No, it was my friend Charlie. She’s at comic con and send me a picture of what happened to her dress this morning”, Sam answered. Dean had a funny look in his eyes when he asked: “Oh so it is a girl? Somebody you wish would become your special someone maybe?” Sam rolled his eyes so hard his head hurt. “No, Charlie’s just a friend. Even if I had a crush on her, I can tell you I’m really not her type”, Sam answered, smiling to himself when he thought about Charlie flirting with the probably clueless Princess Peach cosplayer.

“Oh now don’t say that, you’re a nice looking kid. What is it, is she like only into blondes or something?” Dean asked, munching on the onion rings Sam had ordered as starters for them to share. “Well yeah, pretty much. Blondes with boobs and vaginas. Probably also brunettes with boobs and vaginas. Pretty much any hair color as long as it comes with boobs and a vagina”, Sam answered nonchalantly, smirking when Dean choked on his onion ring. “Say what?” Dean asked between his coughs. “I’m trying to say that she’s gay”, Sam said, taking a couple of onion rings and smiling at Dean’s obvious confusion. It felt good to throw Dean off balance every once in a while. Sam was getting tired being the only one who was always at a loss for words.

Dean seemed to pull himself together just as their hamburger’s arrived. They thanked the waitress and dug into their food. Sam hadn’t noticed how hungry he had actually been but at the moment he felt like he was starving. For some time the only sound between them was both of them digging into their foods. Sam tried not to stare when Dean licked his lips or sucked a mayo-covered finger between those plush lips but when a small moan escaped Dean’s throat, Sam felt a twitch in his stomach and someplace else. Somewhere deeper.

When they were done, Dean leaned back in his chair, eyes half-lidded and looking content. Sam couldn’t help but wonder if Dean’s post-orgasm face looked anything like the blissful expression he had on his face at the moment. He quickly banished the thought from his mind. “Thanks, Sammy, that was awesome. The best fucking burger ever”, Dean said, smiling lazily. Sam smiled back at him, trying his best to calm his racing heart.

Dean dropped Sam off and wished him good practice. Sam noticed a weird tone in Dean’s voice he was dying to ask about but figured he would get to it later. Dean had made it pretty clear he didn’t want to talk about it. So Sam just thanked Dean for a nice day and all the trouble he went through to help Sam. Dean simply waved his hand dismissively. “No trouble at all. Just forget about it. I’ll text you later”, Dean said and gave Sam his happiest smile that made Sam melt a little on the inside. Then Dean drove off, leaving Sam waving after him. Sam stood there, thoughts running through his mind, most of them concerning Dean, before he snapped out of his trance and hurried inside.

**********

Sam leaned back on the bench in the bleachers. The practice had gone well and because the weather was so nice, Sam and couple of his teammates decided to hang around for a while after the practice had ended and everyone else had left. Sam was leaning back, resting himself on his elbows, sipping coke. 

“If thing’s keep on going the way they have, we’re gonna destroy our opponent at the next game”, Sam’s teammate Dave declared triumphantly. Some of Sam’s other teammates nodded in approval. “I talked to my brother Mike who was at the team some years back and has been keeping an eye on the team’s development ever since even though he already left for college, and he told me that he thinks we have the best group of players in a long time”, Dave babbled, almost jumping up and down from excitement. Sam laughed wholeheartedly at Dave’s enthusiasm. Then he started thinking about Dave’s words. Something he said about his brother that caught Sam’s ear.

“You said your brother used to play in the Hurricanes. Mike’s what… five years older than you?” Sam asked, sitting up a bit. Now he was interested. “No, four years. He just turned twenty-one”, Dave answered, taking a sip of Sam’s coke without asking. Sam frowned a bit. “Your brother wouldn’t happen to know anyone named Dean Winchester? He played at the Hurricanes around the same time as your brother”, Sam asked, containing his excitement and the little sting of guilt he felt for asking details of Dean behind his back. He should’ve let Dean tell himself whatever it was he wasn’t telling but Sam’s curiosity got the best of him. 

Dave’s eyebrows drew together and he looked like he was thinking hard. “The name’s familiar, I’m sure Mike has talked about him. Actually I think there was something that happened in the team and that Winchester guy was kicked out or something but I can’t remember what and I think Mike never let me in on the details when I was younger. I can ask Mike about it the next time I talk to him though. Why you asking about that dude anyways?” Dave asked, tilting his head and staring at Sam intently. 

Sam shrugged, trying to look like it was insignificant to him. “Nothing important, I just happen to know the guy and I know he used to play in the Hurricanes”, Sam answered. Soon the direction of discussion drifted off to different matters. Sam didn’t participate though, instead he got lost in his thoughts. Dean was kicked out of the team? Sam couldn’t help it, he was dying to know why and couldn’t wait to hear back from Dave’s brother. A little voice inside him scolded him, telling him he should’ve asked about it from Dean himself and not go prying around behind his back. Some friend he was.

**********

That evening Dean went out with his friend and workmate Benny, who he had known for a couple of years now and who had almost become something equal to a big brother to him. They went to the local dive bar which wasn’t known for its good service or cheerful atmosphere but the beer was cheap, the pool table was free and the ladies were easy. That felt like a combination Dean needed the most at the moment. It was also a walking distance from Dean’s place which was good in case Dean decided to get totally smashed. They played a couple of rounds of pool which Dean ended up winning, telling Benny to keep his money and buy something nice for his lady and just buy Dean another beer instead. 

Benny ended up leaving early because he had to get up at sunrise to go and meet his parents-in-law. Dean gave him a sympathetic smile and a pat on the back. He was planning on drinking one more beer and heading home himself when a brunette girl with a shoulder-length hair approached his table, smiling from ear to ear. Dean noticed the dimples the girl had as she smiled to Dean. “Well hi there! I noticed you sitting here all alone and thought you might want some company”, the girl slurred with a thick southern drawl, sounding way more drunk than Dean would’ve guessed. Dean couldn’t help but stare at the dimples and hazel eyes. He swallowed hard, feeling a lump in his throat at the annoying familiarity the girl possessed. The girl didn’t wait for Dean’s answer and slumped down on the seat next to Dean's.

**********

Half an hour later Dean’s back was pressed against the wall in the back alley of the bar. His eyes were closed and his lips parted and he could hear his own blood pumping in his ears. His hands were gripping tightly on the brown hair. Dean leaned his head back, panting against the wall as a pair of lips and a tongue slid over the head of his cock rather sloppily. Dean looked down at the girl who was on her knees in front of Dean, sucking his cock like a popsicle. Dean looked at the brown hair he was gripping on and the hazel eyes that looked up at him every once in a while. 

Dean could actually see the girl’s dimples in between sucks when she relaxed her cheeks. Dean leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes tightly. ‘Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Think about the girl. Or any girl. How their tits feel in your hands and how wet and hot they feel when you’re inside them’, Dean ordered himself. But when he came the only thing filling his mind was dimpled cheeks and hazel eyes, similar to the girl’s whose mouth was filling with Dean’s cum, but prettier. His mind was filled with a soft laugh and a long, lean frame that Dean was aching to touch whenever he was near the boy.

When he came down from his orgasm, Dean quickly zipped his pants and thanked the girl and simply took off. It was a cowardly thing to do and Dean could hear the girl yelling obscenities after him but Dean didn’t stop until he was in his apartment and had locked the door. That’s when he collapsed against his closed front door and slid to the floor, feeling the panic rise inside himself. “No, no, no…”, he muttered to himself and rubbed his face harshly with his hands. He could feel hot tears stream down his face as he got up and went to the kitchen. He didn’t bother with a glass and drank the scotch straight from the bottle with huge sips, spilling some of the liquid consolation on his chin and shirt. He put the bottle down and leaned against the counter. Dean wiped his face with his free hand, using the other one to take small sips from the bottle. 

After a while he could feel his thoughts blurring into a comforting haze, thanks to the alcohol coursing through his veins. Good, this was good, he thought to himself. If he kept on drinking he wouldn’t have to think all the horrible things going through his mind. Like the sound of Sam’s laughter or the way his eyes shined when he looked at Dean or the horrible urge to kiss the boy and see if those pink lips felt as soft as they looked. He took another sip so he wouldn’t have to hear his father’s voice inside his head. “What have you done, boy? That’s fucking sick and disgusting, your mother would be turning in her grave if she knew what you’ve been up to. It’s an abomination. You’re a disgrace, pull yourself together if you still wish for me to call you my son”, John yelled inside his head. Dean felt tears run down his cheek and he didn’t even try to stop them. What’s the use, he was exactly what everyone had always told him. A good for nothing loser. A disgrace.

Dean stumbled into his bedroom, falling face first into his bed, taking the pillow and hugging it tight against his chest. He sobbed loudly and hated himself for it. Sometime later he must’ve passed out because the next time he opened his eyes, it was morning already and the only reminder of last night was the dried up tears of his cheeks and the horrible headache and nausea that had Dean rushing to the bathroom.


	4. Of Waiting Games and Whipped Cream

Days went by but Sam didn’t hear anything from Dean. It was already Thursday and he was getting worried that something had happened to Dean or that Dean had changed his mind and didn’t want to help Sam after all. Or worse, Dean didn’t want to be his friend. So after the Mathletes’ match, which they had won, Sam felt confident enough to take out his phone and open his WhatsApp. It showed him that Dean had been using his WhatsApp just hours ago so Sam ruled out the ‘maybe something happened to Dean’-option and typed a message.

Sam 7:15 pm: Hi Dean! Haven’t heard from you for a couple of days so I just thought I would ask if you needed any help with the Jeep? Or if you wanted to just hang out?

Sam’s finger lingered on ‘send’ and he thought about erasing the last question. Did it make him seem desperate? Maybe Dean didn’t want to hang out with him besides working on the Jeep after all. But the word ‘friend’ lingered in Sam’s mind so he pressed ‘send’ before he had time to chicken out.

Dean was sitting in the dressing room of the repair shop, taking off his work boots when his phone beeped. He fumbled the phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. He stared at the screen that told him he had a new WhatsApp message from Sam. Dean swallowed hard and wiped his sweaty palms on his overalls. He took a deep, calming breath and opened the message. He read it through a couple of times. Sam was asking if Dean needed any help with the Jeep. Dean laughed cynically to himself; he had been working on the Jeep like a maniac every evening, drowning himself in work to stop his thoughts from running wild. He had tried to build his walls back up after they had come crumbling down last Saturday night. 

Dean took another long, calming breath. ‘You can do this. He’s just a kid, he’s like a little brother to you for fuck’s sake Dean! Pull yourself together and act like an adult for once in your life’, Dean told himself before opening the keyboard and typing an answer.

Dean 7:22 pm: Hey! Yeah, sorry, extra busy week at work. I’ve been checking on the Jeep, getting some work done but I’ve gone to the garage really late so I haven’t asked you to come with. But how about tomorrow night, weekend coming and all that shit, you up for it?

Dean knew his message was an excuse after an excuse but he hoped Sam wouldn’t notice anything. The reply came almost instantly. 

Sam 7:23 pm: Yeah of course! I have the whole weekend off since I already finished my essays for next week. What time? After school we have a small celebration for winning tonight’s match against Dansville :) But I can leave basically anytime you wanna go

Dean chuckled slightly. That little nerd, of course he had already done all his homework. Dean couldn’t recall himself ever even bothering with homework let alone finishing them way before the deadline. But Sam was something else.

Dean 7:24 pm: Way to go Mathletes! No seriously, congrats buddy, knew you had it in you :) how about I’ll pick you up at 8? Or you have a curfew or something?

Sam 7:25 pm: I have to be home by midnight on weekends so 8 pm is fine. I’ll wait for you in front of the main door, you probably know where that is?

Dean looked at his phone and swallowed hard, thinking to himself that yeah, he knew exactly where the main door was. It was the last thing he had seen of the high school when he had dropped out, slamming it shut so hard the glass on the door had cracked, before hopping into the Impala and speeding off, swearing he’d never come back to that hellhole. It wasn’t exactly a pleasant memory to Dean.

Dean 7:27 pm: Yeah I know where it is, I’ll pick up at 8. Smuggle me some pie ;)

Sam 7:28 pm: I’ll see what I can do :) 

Dean smiled to himself. Yeah, he could totally do this. From now on he would treat Sam like his little brother.

**********

The next evening Sam was leaning against Charlie to keep himself from falling over because he was laughing so hard. He was feeling giddy with happiness and he couldn’t remember the last time he had had so much fun. Sam convinced himself his manic laughter had nothing to do with the sips he had been taking from the flask Charlie had nicked from his dad’s liquor cabinet. Alexander had been telling them again how Dansville’s team captain had had a total meltdown when they had lost, mimicking his tantrum, causing Sam and Charlie to roar with laughter.

Later on Charlie lead Sam to the table where they had little snacks and pie that Brent’s mom had baked. Sam had grinned from ear to ear when he had seen the pie. He could keep his promise and smuggle Dean some after all. The party was kept in the classroom they usually had their math classes in and their math teacher Mr. Morrison was keeping an eye on them with Brent’s mom. Charlie and Sam were sitting in the corner, far away from the speakers so they could actually hear what the other one was saying. ‘Ice ice baby’ was playing and Chuck had cranked up the music so loud Sam was sure Mr. Morrison’s toupée would come off anytime now and shouted: “Bow before the God of dance!”

“Look at Chuck dancing! You go, boy!” Charlie yelled and giggled, bending herself under the table to take another sip of the flask without anyone noticing. He offered it to Sam and Sam took a long sip also. “Look at Mr. Morrison trying to flirt with Brent’s mom. Brent doesn’t look too happy about it though”, Sam whispered into Charlie’s ear and they both giggled. “Well to be fair neither does Brent’s mom”, Charlie whispered back and they both broke down laughing. Sam took a look at his phone. 

“Oh shit! I need to get going, Dean’s probably waiting for me already!” Sam said and collected his stuff hastily, taking a paper plate and wrapping it carefully around a huge piece of pie he was taking with him. Charlie walked him to the door and gave him the flask. “One for the road”, she snickered. Sam took a long sip, shivering as the burning liquid ran down his throat. Then he waved goodbye to his teammates and hugged Charlie one last time, telling her he would text her the following day. Sam had ended up confessing everything that had happened to the Jeep after just a few sips from the flask and a half an hour of Charlie pestering him about where he was going that night and who was this mysterious Dean-guy.

“Have fun with lover boy”, Charlie hummed, winking at Sam. Sam blushed slightly. “Fuck off, Charlie, it’s not like that. Dean’s just a friend”, Sam argued back. Charlie just kept smiling at him like she knew something Sam didn’t. “Sure, Sam”, she said and winked again before waving Sam goodbye and returning to the party. Sam ran down the stairs and through the halls, it was already five past eight. He didn’t want to make Dean think Sam didn’t appreciate the time Dean gave to Sam.

Dean was leaning against the Impala, smoking a cigarette. He had smoked actively throughout high school but nowadays he did it only when he was nervous and wanted to calm down but couldn’t do it with alcohol. He felt the relaxing, soothing effect of nicotine spreading everywhere in his body as it coursed through his veins. He blew some smoke out of his lungs, following its trail as it disappeared into the night. Dean took a look at his phone and frowned. Sam was usually very punctual kid but tonight he was late. Just as Dean thought about texting Sam, the boy practically burst through the main door of the building. 

“Hi Dean! Sorry I’m late, got a bit caught up”, Sam said, smiling happily, resembling a puppy, bouncing up and down, his eyes shining and his cheeks rosy pink. He noticed the cigarette in Dean’s hand. “I didn’t know you smoked”, Sam said. Dean dropped the cigarette and stomped it with the heel of his boot. “I usually don’t but sometimes it feels good to have one”, he replied, not wanting to go to detail about the reasons he had smoked that night. Dean raised his gaze from the cigarette butt and looked Sam in the eyes. The boy’s eyes were a bit glossy and the rosy pink on his cheeks didn’t look like the type that came from running down the stairs. Sam also had trouble keeping his eyes on Dean’s and his gaze wandered down to Dean’s lips and something clicked in Dean’s mind.

“Are you drunk?” he asked Sam, not sure if he should act like a disapproving adult or be amused. Sam looked really guilty. “Well Charlie had a flask and it was a party so…”, Sam mumbled, looking a bit embarrassed by the fact that Dean had noticed. Dean had hard time acting like a responsible adult and he snorted loudly, trying not to laugh. “Are you, like, angry or something?” Sam asked, misinterpreting Dean’s efforts not to burst into laughter and that was it for Dean. He had to lean back against the car because he was laughing so hard.

“You sure as hell know how to party, dude, getting smashed in a nerd meeting, that takes some kind of skills”, Dean gushed, gasping for air. Sam gave him such a bitchy face Dean had to close his eyes to stop himself from bursting into laughter again. “Fuck off, Dean”, Sam said, crossing his arms. “And to think that I bothered to bring you pie”, Sam said sneakily. Those were the magic words to snap Dean out of his fit of laughter. “Pie? Really? Gimme!” Dean said, stretching his hands out at Sam. A devilish grin crept on Sam’s face. “Well, the thing is that I don’t know if you deserve it anymore after laughing at me the way you just did. I think the nerd me will eat his nerd pie all by his nerd self”, Sam said, trying to act offended even though Dean saw Sam was smirking at him.

“Oh come on, Sammy, you can’t be so cruel! Fine. You’re the most awesome, un-nerdiest and sexiest manly man alive. Now can I have my pie?” Dean said, trying to sneak the pie from Sam’s hands but Sam hid it behind his back. Dean tried to grab it but Sam gripped his wrist, holding him still and staring into his eyes in a way that made Dean feel in various ways. ‘Brotherly feelings, Dean, brotherly feelings’, he told himself but his determination wavered when he felt Sam’s hot breath ghosting over his skin. Sam was so close Dean found it very hard to think only brotherly thoughts. Sam’s scent was a mixture of scotch, lemony soap and something that smelled like vanilla. Dean realized it was the pie Sam had been eating.

“Say the magic word”, Sam whispered and a shiver ran down Dean’s spine at the sound of Sam’s voice so close, so rough and low. It made Dean want to lean in just to get closer to the boy. “Please”, Dean whispered, unable to look Sam in the eyes. He was afraid if he did, he would lose it and do something he would end up regretting. Suddenly Sam grinned and let go of Dean’s wrist, taking the pie from behind his back and handing it to Dean. Dean felt a bit at a loss but he took the pie, looking dumbfounded. Sam grinned, walked past Dean and opened the car door, feeling still a bit giddy from the scotch. When Dean didn’t follow him, Sam turned around to say: “Come on, we don’t have the whole night. You can eat the pie once we get there!” Sam slid into the Impala and finally Dean seemed to snap out of the trance Sam’s closeness had put him in and followed suit.

**********

They made it to the Singer Salvage in a record time. Dean pretended it was because he was in a hurry to go and eat his pie but the real reason was that he didn’t want to spent any more time than he had to in the closed, small space with Sam and his intoxicating scent. Dean wasn’t sure if he was imagining it but it felt like Sam was sitting closer to him than he usually did. Dean pulled the car to a halt and scrambled out. He unlocked the garage door and breathed in long and hard, calming himself so he could face Sam without wavering.

Sam walked into the garage and sat on the chair he had sat the last time they were there. Dean placed the pie on the table. “I’ll eat it when I’m done with the car”, he said, taking the creeper and sliding under the Jeep. Only then he felt like he could breath, having something between Sam and himself. He was almost able to imagine he was alone in the garage. He started working on the car and felt himself relax. After a while he didn’t even think about anything that was going around him, concentrated solemnly on the car. 

But things took a turn for the worse when Dean noticed there was a small part that he needed to get out but he didn’t have that type of a wrench at the garage. “Fuck!” Dean cursed. “What’s wrong?” Dean heard Sam’s voice asking. Dean slid out from under the Jeep, got up and wiped his hands to the nearby towel to get the grease off of them. “It needs a specific kind torque wrench which, surprise, surprise, I don’t have here. I can borrow one from the repair shop on Monday but unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about it for the rest of the weekend. I’m sorry, Sam”, Dean explained, giving Sam an apologetic look. He opened the fridge and took out a beer. Dean hesitated a moment before looking at Sam. “I know I shouldn’t be doing this and it is kinda illegal but what the hell, you’re already drunk. You want a beer, Sammy?” Dean asked, taking another beer from the fridge and offering it to Sam.

Sam looked surprised at first but then he smiled happily and took the beer. “Thanks, Dean”, Sam said and twisted the cap off before taking a sip. Dean opened his beer and took a long sip. The garage was hot as hell once again. “Wanna go sit outside? I swear to God I have to convince Bobby to buy some sort of an air conditioner in here”, Dean said and walked outside to sit on one of the lawn chairs. Sam followed him and sat down to the chair next to Dean’s. He offered his beer to Dean’s direction. “Cheers!” Sam said gleefully which made Dean laugh but he touched Sam’s bottle with his own nevertheless, making a clinking sound that echoed in the salvage yard. “Cheers, Sammy”, Dean replied.

For a moment they just sipped on their beers in silence, watching the setting sun and the barn swallows flying high above their heads. Then Dean turned to Sam to apologize for being unable to do anything about the Jeep at the moment, but words got stuck in his throat when he looked at Sam. The boy had closed his eyes and there was a small smile playing on his lips which made his dimples pop. Dean fought the urge to reach out and trace the small dent on Sam’s cheek with his fingers. The last rays of the setting sun gave Sam’s hair an eerie glow. Dean wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through those silky locks. He turned his eyes away and took a long sip from his beer. Fuck. ‘Brotherly thoughts, Dean’, he told himself but those thoughts were hard to reach when Sam was looking like an angel sent from heaven above.

Dean stared intently on the setting sun and cleared his throat. “Sorry about the Jeep, Sammy. I can’t get the right kind of wrench until Monday and this is gonna slow down the whole process”, Dean apologized, his voice sounding unfamiliar and squeaky in his own ears. Sam turned his eyes to Dean and even though Dean refused to look at the boy, with his peripheral vision he could still see Sam staring at him. “It’s fine, Dean, don’t apologize. Jeez, you’re already doing so much for me that I should be the one apologizing for taking all your free time”, Sam huffed. “I don’t mind that the evening went like this. I like spending time with you”, Sam whispered, sounding so freaking sincere and heartfelt that Dean’s heart was breaking from all the pent up emotion. He had to turn his head to face Sam.

“You’re not taking all my free time. I told you, you’re my friend. And I like hanging out with you as well”, Dean said, giving Sam a small smile. He was sure Sam was able to hear the sound of Dean’s heart breaking into two when Sam gave him a smile that could’ve lit up even the darkest of the nights. Dean got up in a hurry. “We need music. I’ll get the radio”, he explained and hurried inside. 

After a while Dean came back with a small radio, his slice of pie and two more beers. “You can have another beer but no more. I’m not gonna be responsible for all the stupid shit you do if you get shitfaced drunk. And you have to promise not to tell anyone. Even though I’m a firm believer in underage drinking and ‘little party never killed nobody’ is like my motto, I still ain’t gonna go to jail for getting your stupid ass intoxicated”, Dean threatened and waved the beer in front of Sam’s face. Sam tried to grab it but Dean pulled it away. “Promise?” he asked Sam. “Cross my heart”, Sam promised, doing a little X-sign over his chest. Dean gave him the beer and slumped down to his chair. He put the radio down on the small table between them and turned it on before placing the slice of pie on top of his thighs. He took a bite out of it and let out a groan of pleasure.

“Fuck, this is one good pie!” he mumbled with his mouth full, taking huge bites out of the pie. Sam laughed. “I’ll try to remember to tell that to Brent’s mom the next time I see her”, Sam smirked. Dean ate the slice in a record time, licking the whipped cream from his fingers. He took his beer from the table and took a couple of huge sips. When he turned to Sam to thank him for the pie, he saw Sam staring. “What?” Dean asked. Sam grinned. “You have whipped cream on your lips”, Sam replied. Dean licked his lips tentatively. “Did I get it?” he asked. “Not really”, Sam answered.

Before Dean had time to react, Sam had reached over and wiped Dean’s lower lip with his thumb, his other fingers ghosting under Dean’s chin, sending shivers down Dean’s spine. But nothing could’ve prepared Dean to what Sam did next. The boy took the thumb he had wiped Dean’s lips with and put it in his own mouth, sucking the whipped cream off it. Dean couldn’t help but stare, mouth agape. Sam’s pink tongue was licking on the thumb that had just been on Dean’s lips. Sam noticed Dean’s stare and blushed bright crimson, which was as horrible for Dean as it was for Sam because it made Sam look even more gorgeous than he already was. “Sorry”, Sam apologized, getting back to his bottle of beer and taking a long sip, averting his gaze.

Dean said nothing in return and instead he just took a long sip from his own beer. His heart was racing in his chest once again. Sam wasn’t letting him go easy, quite the opposite, he was making this whole ‘brothers thing’ extra hard for Dean. For a while they just listened to the music in silence, but then Sam started asking Dean about his work and the Impala and the conversation started flowing again. So much so that neither of them noticed the time until Sam’s phone beeped and he took it out of his pocket. “Fuck! It’s almost midnight!” Sam cried. Dean looked flabbergasted and took a look at his own phone. There was no way it could be midnight already, they’d been there only for an hour, hour and a half tops. Dean let out a long whistle when the clock on his phone told him the same thing Sam had just said out loud. It was ten minutes to midnight.

“Well, we better get you to home before you turn into a pumpkin or some shit”, Dean said, getting up to take the radio inside, locking the garage door behind himself. Sam threw the empty bottles into the trash bin and they both slid into to Dean’s Impala. They drove in comfortable silence and Dean might have broken a couple of dozen traffic laws trying to get Sam home in time. Of course it was a little over midnight when Dean pulled to a stop in front of Sam’s home, but Dean was quite proud how fast they had gotten there. Sam turned to Dean, smiling. 

“Well I’m not a pumpkin yet. Thanks, Dean. For everything”, Sam whispered, his voice hoarse. Dean was just about to tell Sam not to mention it, when Sam slid over the front seat, right next to Dean and wrapped his hands around Dean, pulling him into a tight embrace. For a moment Dean’s mind went completely blank. But he couldn’t resist his need to hold Sam, so he wrapped his hands around the boy, drawing Sam even closer. He felt Sam’s hot breath on his neck, giving him goosebumps. Sam was so close he could feel the boy’s heart beat in his chest. It was drumming like crazy, matching Dean’s own. ‘He’s nervous’, Dean thought to himself and that thought alone made something inside Dean melt and collapse. He held Sam close, breathing in the intoxicating scent the boy possessed, breathing in everything that was Sam. The hug lasted only a couple of seconds but to Dean it felt like forever.

Then Sam entangled himself, gave Dean a small smile and before Dean knew what had happened, Sam was out of the car and half way across the yard. Dean stared as Sam opened the front door of his house and slid in, unable to turn his eyes away from the boy whose scent still lingered in the car, making Dean’s heart ache so bad he was sure it was breaking. 

That night when Dean got home, he went straight to bed, ignoring the urge to jerk off, wanting to avoid his thoughts from drifting off into unwanted territories. But instead Dean ended up tossing and turning the whole night, his dreams filled with hazel eyes and dimples and moans of ‘Dean!’ and ‘harder’. It was the first time since he was a teenager that Dean woke up with his underwear smeared with cum. That morning Dean sat for an hour with his head in his hands, crying and hating himself for being so fucking weak.


	5. Of Bowling Alleys and Past Secrets

After his fifth cup of coffee Dean finally felt like he was awake. He sat on the couch wearing only his bathrobe, his hair still wet from the shower. He was staring blankly at the TV, having no clue what he was actually watching, when his phone beeped. He fumbled it out of his robe’s pocket. Dean bit on his lower lip nervously when he saw who the text was from.

Sam 11:34 am: Morning! I forgot to ask you yesterday if you wanted to go bowling tonight? I have a coupon and it expires on Monday

Dean rubbed his face with the palm of his hand and sighed, contemplating on what to answer. He knew he should just say no. The only problem was that saying no was the last thing he wanted to do. “It’s only bowling, for fuck’s sake, Dean! Pull yourself together, man!” he said out loud to himself. Great, apparently this speaking to oneself thing was becoming a habit. First step on the road to complete insanity.

Dean 11:37 am: Yeah sure, sounds like fun. What time?

Sam 11:38 am: I have practice again but it’s earlier today. 9 pm okay for you?

Dean 11:38 am: Yeah okay you need a ride or something?

Sam 11:39 am: Actually no. Charlie can probably drop me off. You know the bowling place on Bolson Street?

Dean 11:40 am: Yeah sure. So there tonight 9 pm?

Sam 11:41 am: Sounds good, can’t wait :)

Dean stared at Sam’s last message. He wanted nothing more than to answer ‘me neither’ but instead he locked his phone and tossed it on the coffee table. He decided to drink one more cup of coffee and go running. It had been a long time since he had gone for a run and he needed to do something about all the pent up energy he suddenly seemed to possess.

**********

Sam was sitting on a bench on the side of the baseball field, waiting for the practice to start. He had gone to the farmer’s market with his mom that morning and after that his mother had dropped him off to the practice so Sam was a bit early. Sam’s mom was leaving to Shreveport with Sam’s father and wouldn’t be home until the next day. Sam was feeling giddy about the night before. He had had a good time at the Mathletes’ party and even better time with Dean. He was kind of proud and ashamed at the same time that first he had wiped the whipped cream from Dean’s lips and then he had gone and hugged Dean. But he was also feeling excited about the fact that Dean had hugged him back. Sam smiled at the memory of holding Dean close and having his strong arms wrapped around himself. He was also excited about the night to come when he would see Dean again. 

“Whatcha smiling for Campbell? Got laid at the nerd herd’s party last night?” A rude voice and a malicious laughter snapped Sam out of his pleasant thoughts. Lucas Marlow was staring down at him. Sam found himself rolling his eyes. Lucas wasn’t even in the team but for some reason he was a good friend of Dave’s so he hanged out at the practice sometimes. “Maybe you should come up with some new insults, Luc. The old ones are starting to lose their edge after the first hundred times or so”, Sam said, ignoring Lucas, saying hi to Dave instead. “Whatever, Campbell. Imma go get me a soda, you want something Dave?” Lucas asked and when Dave just shook his head Lucas disappeared behind the bleachers.

Dave turned to Sam, eyeing him with a weird look on his face. “What?” Sam asked suspiciously. “I talked to Mike. I asked him about that Dean Winchester guy you were talking about before”, Dave said and there was a tone in his voice that caught Sam’s attention. “And?” Sam asked. His heart was beating a little faster. He had forgotten all about his chat with Dave, feeling still guilty that he had been gossiping about Dean like that behind his back when Dean had been nothing but nice to him.

“I knew I remembered that name. Well there’s a reason for that. I also remembered right, Mike didn’t tell me everything that was going on because he thought that I was too young to know all the gory details and also because mom told him not to. Well, the thing is, that Dean-guy didn’t exactly get kicked out of the team but he didn’t really have any other choice but to leave after he was caught sucking another guy’s dick in the team’s locker room. Apparently after that he didn’t come to school for a week or so and everyone thought it was because he was too embarrassed. I mean he did kind of out himself to the whole school as a total faggot in the worst way possible, so it would have been understandable if he wanted to lay low for a while. Well it turned out that was only half of the truth because when he did come back to school there were still clear bruises on his face. Apparently his dad wasn’t too happy about his son being a fag and decided to teach him a lesson. After that the Dean-guy didn’t stay in school for too long, he dropped out like a month after the incident or something. Kind of understandable though. That kind of a reputation doesn’t really go away you know.”

Sam had sat silently as Dave explained the whole thing. There were about a million things coursing through Sam’s mind simultaneously. Dean had been caught blowing some dude in the school locker room. Dean’s dad had beat him up. Dean had dropped out of school. 

“So where do you know this Dean guy from exactly?” Dave asked, tilting his head curiously but just as Sam was thinking hard what to answer, Lucas shouted at Dave from the side of the bleachers to ‘come help with the fucking vending machine’. Dave got up and left to help Lucas and Sam was speared from answering a question he didn’t really want to answer. At least not to someone like Dave who talked about gays as ‘faggots’. So Sam just sat there, alone in his thoughts. After that the whole practice went by without him remembering much about it, all of his thoughts on Dean.

**********

The evening seemed to come way too fast for Sam who still hadn’t managed to get his thoughts under control. He was feeling perplexed about what Dave had told him. Should he confront Dean about it? Or would it only make things worse? Sam didn’t exactly want Dean to think he was some kind of a nosy brat who went around asking about Dean’s personal business. So 8:55 pm Sam was standing in front of the bowling center on Bolson street where Charlie had dropped him off with a wink and a wide grin which had made Sam roll his eyes. 

Sam hadn’t told Charlie about what he had heard about Dean even though he was dying to ask for advice on what he should do about the new information. But Sam thought he had already snooped around enough, it would be even worse if he started discussing Dean’s personal matters behind his back. So Sam had kept his mouth shut and let Charlie think his weird behavior was caused by his nervousness. He had thanked Charlie and got out of the car and there he was now, standing and waiting.

Sam took another look at his phone. It was already ten past nine. Had Dean stood him up? Just as Sam was thinking about texting Dean, he heard the familiar roar of a certain vintage car and as he looked up, Dean was parking his car in front of the bowling center. Sam took a deep breath, expecting Dean to be a bit awkward around him because of how Sam had acted the night before. But instead Dean practically danced out of the car, smiling so wide his face almost split into two.

“Hiyya, Sammy! How are you on this fine evening my dear friend?” Dean cooed and almost skipped to Sam. Sam stared at him flabbergasted. “What, cat got your tongue, young Mathelete?” Dean asked and laughed wholeheartedly. “What the hell, Dean? Are you high or something?” Sam asked, unsure how to respond to Dean’s sudden outburst of happiness. “Ah, yes, high on life!” Dean answered and smiled like a maniac. Then he shook his head and grinned less insanely. 

“I’m sorry I’m late but I have a really good reason for it. Just as I was leaving home, Bobby called me. He told me a customer had called him and asked if I would be able to take his car in the first thing on Monday! It’s weekend, Sammy! Do you know how rare it is for customers to ask for a certain mechanic let alone call Bobby’s private number on a weekend? The guy said he had loved the work I did on his friend’s Mustang. Benny has been in the house half longer than I have and a customer has asked for him maybe once or twice. This is a fucking miracle, Sammy, a sign from the good Lord above that things are gonna get better from now on. And that’s why…”, Dean threw his car keys to Sam who caught them clumsily, “…we’re going to celebrate. I, myself, am going to celebrate with a little bit of my finest scotch and you, Sammy dearest, are celebrating by having the honor given only to very few over the past years. You get to drive Baby”, Dean announced in a manner that left Sam waiting for the trombones and confetti. 

Sam smiled. It felt a bit weird seeing Dean so over the moon but Sam liked it. “To start our celebration, I will pay for the bowling”, Dean said and practically bowed at Sam, who had no choice but to laugh at Dean’s antics. Dean’s giddiness was starting to rub off on Sam as well and he was looking forward to the night, all of his previous anxiousness forgotten. “Shall we go and see what this dump has to offer us?” Dean asked and grimaced as he eyed on the building’s exterior. Sam followed Dean inside and he had to agree: the place had certainly seen better days. The paint on the walls was peeling off and most of the lighted letters on the words ‘bowling center’ were burned out so it only spelled ‘o in ent’.

Dean told Sam to go get himself some shoes while Dean paid and got them something to snack on. Sam took a pair of bowling shoes and grimaced. They were so worn and smelled so bad it probably would have been better if he had gone without. Sam put them on nevertheless and looked around. There were only a couple of people there and most of them looked like they just wanted a place to drink in. There were a couple of young boys Sam was sure went to his school, sipping on their beers even though they were nowhere near the legal age. Sam was staring at an older couple who was practically having sex on the bowling alley, drunk out of their minds, when someone nudged him on the shoulder.

Sam startled but a wide smile spread on his face when he saw Dean standing next to him, smiling from ear to ear and juggling two beers and a huge cup of popcorn. “I take back all the bad things I ever said about this place, this is actually the best place on Earth! Cheap as fuck and the old grump behind the counter couldn’t care less about carding people. Here, I brought you a beer. I was thinking since it’s a party you should also have something to drink. But only one beer, don’t forget you’re my designated driver tonight. Lane number five is ours, it’s the one in the far end corner, take these and I’ll be right with you, just have to find a pair of shoes without syphilis”, Dean said and winked at Sam.

Sam blushed slightly and took the beers and the popcorn quickly before he had time to say or do something stupid. He walked to the lane that was nicely secluded next to the wall and behind some artificial plants that were so dusty Sam was happy he didn’t have asthma. He laid the beers and the popcorn on the table and sat down. The score board activated and Sam stared at the names Dean had given to the cashier and burst out laughing. Player one was ‘young dimpled Jedi’ and player two was ‘sexiest mechanic ever’. 

“Like the name choices?” Dean asked him and grinned. He sat down opposite to Sam and took a long sip from a flask he had in his hand. The strong smell of scotch drifted off to Sam’s nose. “Couldn’t have picked better ones myself”, Sam said and kicked himself internally. The sentence was supposed to sound cheerful but instead Sam’s voice decided not to co-operate and it came out somewhat hoarse and seductive. Dean didn’t respond though, just raised his eyebrow and took another sip of his flask. “Seems like you’re up first. Go get ‘em, tiger!” Dean said with another wink and leaned back on his seat.

Sam got up and chose himself few bowling balls that looked like they had been used as cannonballs during the Civil War. He grimaced when he stuck his fingers into the nasty little holes that were all sticky and gross. He reminded himself to wash his hands thoroughly after that. Preferably with peroxide. Sam lifted the ball in front of himself and took a deep breath as he positioned himself facing the lane. He took a few steps and drew his hand back before swinging it forth. The ball separated from his fingers with an off-putting smack and Sam watched it roll down the lane. He managed to knock over seven pins which he was fairly pleased with because it had been a while since he had bowled. It was also a nice score in Sam’s opinion considering the fact that the ball had tried to take three of his fingers with it.

“Way to go, Sammy!” Dean cheered and whistled. Sam was glad he had another try left so he didn’t have to face Dean just yet, his face burning crimson because of Dean’s wolf whistle. On the next try the ball slipped from Sam’s sweaty hands and rolled down the gutter. Sam went back to his seat and took a sip of his beer. Dean’s face glowed as he smiled at Sam. “Not too shabby for a start but unfortunately you are no match for the king of bowling alleys”, Dean said and sipped on his beer with the happiest smile on his face Sam had ever seen. 

Sam felt something flutter in his chest. He couldn’t help but stare at Dean’s immense beauty. The way his eyes shined in the dim light of the bowling center and how his freckles looked like little specks of gold on his tanned skin. Dean’s T-shirt was a little tight around his bicep when he took the pint and lifted it to his lips. Dean let out a satisfied sound as he swallowed and his pink tongue licked the amber liquid from his lips. “Imma show you how it’s done, boy-o”, Dean said and got up. He picked a ball, took a couple of fast steps and threw the ball. It rolled down the alley, gaining momentum and when it hit the target, the pins exploded in all directions.

“And that’s how it’s done! Wohoo!” Dean relished. Sam laughed wholeheartedly and applauded Dean. “Well you don’t totally suck which is what I was kinda expecting”, Sam said, trying to sound nonchalant and hiding his grin by taking another sip from his beer. Dean acted like Sam had stabbed him. “Oh how he scolds me!” Dean sighed theatrically and dropped to his knees in front of Sam, gripping Sam’s thigh and grabbing his own chest. Sam’s smile faltered a bit at the feel of Dean’s hand so high on his tight but Dean didn’t seem to notice anything. “Let’s see if you can top that, you cheeky little fuck”, Dean said and slumped down on his own seat, taking out the flask again. 

The game was fairly even. Sam got the hang of it pretty fast and started getting more and more strikes. When he got a turkey, Dean got up and rushed to the lanes. He lifted Sam to his arms and spun him around, laughing like a maniac. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and laughed with him, enjoying every second. Dean let him down when Sam started complaining that his beer and the popcorns would make a quick comeback if Dean didn’t stop spinning him. Sam expected Dean to go back to his seat but instead Dean just stood there, his hands still around Sam’s waist and his face glowing with happiness. Sam saw that Dean was already quite drunk which did not surprise him since Dean had already downed a flask full of scotch and probably more than half a dozen beers. 

Dean hadn’t let go of Sam and Sam’s hands were still wrapped behind Dean’s neck. Dean’s smile faltered a bit and he looked like he had only then realized how close he was holding Sam. Dean stared at Sam, his mouth slightly agape and the fluorescent lights giving his emerald eyes a blueish glow. Sam’s heart raced like a wild rabbit and he felt out of breath when Dean’s gaze dropped from Sam’s eyes to his lips. Right then and there Sam was sure Dean would kiss him but then the older boy just smiled at Sam a bit crookedly and gave him a slap on the back and before Sam had time to even think about doing something, Dean had already gone back to his seat, apparently trying to drown himself in beer, downing the pint in one go.

Sam stood there frozen for a moment before he shook it off and tried to get his fourth strike in a row. But of course he was too nervous and the ball rolled down the gutter. Dean laughed at him and teased him about losing but after the ‘incident’ Dean started drinking so much that his bowling went all over the place and Sam ended up winning after all. Dean congratulated him with a pat on the back and Sam realized how drunk Dean actually was from the glossiness in the blonde’s eyes. It was a good thing Sam was driving. 

They changed to their own shoes and went outside. Sam enjoyed the cool breeze of air after spending over an hour in the moldy bowling center. Dean put on his jacket and dug out a pack of cigarettes. “Mind if a smoke?” he asked, sounding much soberer than his swaying indicated. “Go for it, I don’t mind”, Sam said, gazing at the stars that were now visible on the dark night sky. “Pretty”, Dean said, watching the stars with Sam, the smoke from his cigarette twirling in the cold night air. ‘Yes, you are’, Sam thought to himself but just nodded. 

“You know what we should do? I know this great place just outside of town where my dad used to take me camping when I was younger. When I have a weekend off, we should pack up our stuff and drive there. There’s a nice small creek close by where you can swim and a place for a campfire. And if you think the stars here are pretty just wait ‘til you see them without the city lights dimming the view”, Dean said, his voice soft and dreamy, smoke twirling from between his lips as he spoke. Sam looked at him and smiled softly. “Sounds really nice, Dean. I’d like that”, Sam responded. 

Dean flicked his cigarette away and looked at Sam with a wicked expression. “But not tonight! Tonight our celebration has just begun! We’re gonna… no, fuck! You have a curfew, right?” Dean asked, sounding disappointed and his shoulders slumped down. Now it was Sam’s turn to grin devilishly. “Actually, not tonight. My parents are in Shreveport so nobody will know what time I get home”, Sam said and he swore Dean looked like he was about to burst into a song.

“You have the whole house to yourself? Why didn’t you tell me that before!? You know what this means? We’re going to have a house party!” Dean announced triumphantly. Sam smile faltered. “I, uhm, I’m not allowed to have anyone but my friends over when my parents are away and…”, Sam stuttered, trying his best not to sound like a goody-two-shoes who was too afraid to throw a party when his parents were out of town. Dean’s fit of laughter interrupted him. 

“No, stupid! I meant me and you, not me and you and two hundred of our closest friends”, Dean laughed. Sam blushed and didn’t know what to say so he panicked and replied: “You and I”. Dean looked at him perplexed for a moment before it hit him that Sam was correcting his grammar. “See what I mean? You out of all people are in a desperate need of a little partying, mister Stick-up-my-ass”, Dean laughed. “So what do you say? You and I and a couple of my good friends called Jack and José who I just happen to have waiting in my car”, Dean encouraged Sam. Sam contemplated on the different factors. His parents had said that he was allowed to have a couple of his friends stay over if he wished as long as they stayed away from the liquor cabinet. Well Dean had become a good friend lately and technically they were not touching the liquor cabinet if they were drinking Dean’s liquors. 

Sam smiled and nodded. “Okay, let’s go then”, he said and the smile Dean gave him made his heart flutter in a way that told him he had made the right decision. Dean followed Sam to the Impala and before almost hopping onto the driver’s seat he seemed to remember he was not driving and walked to the passenger’s side. Sam opened the doors with the keys Dean had given him and they slid in. Sam didn’t want to fuel Dean’s fire by telling him how excited he actually was about driving Dean’s Baby. Dean squirmed on his seat and dug something from under the seat. When he got back up he had a bottle in each hand and a wide grin on his face. “Now it’s a party!” he declared as Sam started the car and drove off the parking lot.

The whole way to Sam’s place Dean had given him instructions on how his Baby liked to be driven. Sam had rolled his eyes so much his head started hurting. Dean on the other hand had enjoyed himself to the fullest, taking sips from his bottle of Jack and turning the radio up, singing along to all his favorite songs. Sam had just smiled and said nothing, letting Dean have his fun.

When Sam pulled to a halt I front of his house, Dean grabbed the bottle of Jack he had opened and dug a sixpack of beers from under the seat. Sam raised an eyebrow. “Do you have a liquor store under your seat that I should know of? Or maybe an alcoholic’s version of Narnia”, Sam snickered to himself but helped Dean carry the beers nevertheless. Sam made sure the doors were locked before he pocketed the keys. He thought it would be wise not to give them to Dean until the next morning. 

Sam opened the front door of his house and walked in, Dean following in his footsteps. “Home sweet home”, Sam sighed and threw his jacket on the railing of the stairs. Sam lead Dean to the kitchen and put the beers in the fridge. He hesitated a second before he took two from the pack and closed the fridge door. Sam opened them and left the caps on the counter, reminding himself to get rid of them before his parents got home. Sam offered the other beer to Dean who had sat on the kitchen island and took a sip of his own. 

“Cheers”, Sam said, feeling suddenly shy. Dean was in his home, sitting on their kitchen island, looking all happy and drunk and content. Sam realized that Dean would have to spent the night because there was no way he could drive himself home in that condition. Which meant that Dean would sleep in the guestroom that was right next to Sam’s room, just a thin wall separating the beds from each other. Sam sure as hell hadn’t thought about that when he had agreed to a party at his place.

“We need music. It’s not a much of a party without music”, Dean said and hopped down from the island. Sam took a long sip from his beer. He suddenly felt in need of some liquid courage. “Yeah sure, let’s go to the living room”, Sam said and led the way. Dean followed him with a beer in one hand and the bottle of Jack in other. In the living room Sam fumbled with the home theater system before being able to connect it to his phone via Bluetooth. He sat on the sheepskin rug next to Dean and handed his phone to Dean who was lying on his back, sipping on his beer.

“It’s your party, you can choose the music”, Sam said and emptied his bottle of beer in one go. He eyed at the bottle of Jack on the floor. “May I?” he asked, indicating towards the scotch. “Go nuts”, Dean replied, his eyes glued to the screen of Sam’s phone as he was trying to decide what music to listen to. Sam took the bottle of Jack and before he would chicken out, took two huge sips from it. In the meanwhile, Dean had decided Led Zeppelin’s ‘Dazed and Confused’ was just the type of music their party was lacking. 

For some time, they just laid on the rug in silence, taking turns with the bottle, Dean humming softly along with the song. Sam closed his eyes and just listened to Dean’s rough, low voice. Dean had started singing when the music had changed into ‘Whole Lotta Love’. Sam found himself amazed again how low Dean’s voice was for someone his age. He enjoyed Dean’s warmth next to himself as they laid side by side and the sweet amber liquid coursed through his veins, making him all calm and content. 

Suddenly he felt Dean sift and a shiver ran down Sam’s spine and straight to his crotch when Dean’s hot breath ghosted over his ear. “Thanks, Sammy. I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun with someone”, Dean whispered into Sam’s ear, his voice rough as gravel but smooth as velvet both at the same time. It was a combination that made Sam’s heart and other parts ache with need. Need to touch Dean. Need to hold him. To kiss him. 

Sam opened his eyes and turned his head to Dean, his heart racing when he found Dean staring at him, his face just inches from Sam’s. “I had a lot of fun too, Dean”, Sam whispered. Dean’s eyes shined like emeralds. So beautiful Sam wanted to drown in them and never come back. But nothing could’ve prepared him for what Dean said next. “I like the way you say my name”, Dean whispered so quietly that for a moment Sam was sure he had imagined it. But then Dean’s gaze dropped to Sam’s lips. “God, I have wanted to do this the whole night”, Dean whispered hoarsely and before Sam had time to react, Dean had pressed his lips to Sam’s.

Sam was sure he had suddenly died and this was some afterlife hallucination. ‘Or heaven’, Sam’s brain suggested. Dean’s lips moved soft and shy against Sam’s. ‘Yes, must be heaven’, was the last thought in Sam’s mind before he turned his brains off and concentrated mainly on feeling. Dean’s lips caressed Sam’s tenderly and Dean cupped Sam’s chin gently, stroking the boy’s cheek with his finger. Then just as suddenly it had started, it was over. Dean pulled away and Sam forced himself to open his eyes even though he didn’t really want to. If this was a dream he wanted to stay asleep.

When Sam looked at Dean he found Dean looking all nervous and flushed. It was the first time Sam had ever seen Dean actually nervous. There was a slight blush coloring his cheeks. ‘Stairway to Heaven’ was playing and Sam’s heart was racing. His brains and lips refused to form coherent thoughts and words. “I… I’ll get us some beers”, Dean said and got up in a hurry, leaving bewildered Sam laying on the sheepskin rug, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

**********

When Dean came back from the kitchen, Sam had composed himself a bit. He had taken a couple of encouraging sips from the bottle of Jack while Dean had been away. Dean on the other hand looked still a bit at a loss when he came back and handed Sam his beer. Dean sat on the floor next to Sam but this time far enough that they weren’t touching. Sam watched as Dean took quick sips from the scotch. Clearly Sam wasn’t the only one who felt like he didn’t know what to do. On the other hand, Sam’s brain screamed at him ‘Dean kissed you! Dean Winchester fucking kissed you!’.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck and changed the song from Sam’s phone. Dean took a couple of more sips from the scotch until his eyes were glossy and his expression a bit dazed. Then he started telling Sam more about the man who had called Bobby and the project Dean was facing when the car came in. At first Sam was a little disappointed that Dean decided to act like nothing had happened but after a while he didn’t remember it anymore as he listened to Dean’s stories and laughed at his antics. 

They fell into a nice rhythm, taking turns telling stories and ending up drinking all the beers and almost all of the Jack. Sam was telling Dean about the Mathletes and their state championship victory last year, watching Dean’s drunk expression absorb his every word, feeling quite drunk as well. “I have a picture of it but it’s in my room”, Sam concluded his story. Suddenly Dean’s face lit up and he stumbled on his feet. “Your room! I wanna see your room, show me!” Dean insisted like a little kid, pulling Sam’s sleeve, trying to get Sam up on his feet. Sam laughed and got up even though his legs felt a little wobbly. He turned off the music and took his phone with him. “Sure, let’s go to my room”, he said, not minding how suggestive it sounded, his intoxicated state making everything easier to say.

Sam led Dean up the stairs and into his room. Even in his drunken state Sam felt still a bit shy when they entered his room even though there wasn’t really anything too embarrassing. Sam’s room was quite small and neat and it had everything he needed. A bed by the wall, a desk in front of the window and beanbag chair in the corner. The bookshelf held his many books and some of the trophies he had gotten from baseball and academics. One wall consisted mainly of a big wardrobe and its doors were filled with band posters and pictures of Sam and his friends. 

He had never had anyone he liked the way he liked Dean in his room. “So, this is it. Not much to see, really”, Sam said, watching Dean as he eyed Sam’s room. “I like it. It’s cozy”, Dean finally stated and slumped down on Sam’s bed, folding his hands behind his head. Sam swallowed hard. His bed was a king size bed, well big enough for two and he wanted nothing more than to ask Dean to stay and not sleep in the guestroom. In his current state of mind Sam couldn’t bear the thought of having a wall separate him from Dean when they could be that close to each other.

Encouraged by that thought Sam acted before he had too much time to contemplate on the consequences. He walked to the edge of the bed and laid down next to Dean. Dean didn’t seem to mind at all, quite the opposite actually since he just moved a bit closer to Sam so their legs were touching. Sam turned to his side and looked at Dean, absorbing all the beauty the other boy was possessing. On that moment all of his inhibitions flew out the window.

“You’re so gorgeous”, Sam whispered, sounding so sappy he was unable to recognize his own voice. Dean turned to face Sam, staring him in the eyes even though he had trouble holding his gaze. “Not too shabby yourself”, Dean whispered and that was it for Sam. He closed the gap between them and kissed Dean. It was hard and heavy, nothing like the soft peck Dean had given him in the living room just under an hour ago. Sam wanted, no, he needed to taste and touch and feel all of Dean.

Sam pressed himself closer to Dean, wrapping his hands behind Dean’s neck, drawing the other boy closer and leaving no room for hesitation. Sam sucked Dean’s lower lip into his mouth, grazing it slightly with his teeth. He breathed hot and heavy against Dean’s lips and opened his mouth willingly when Dean slid his tongue into Sam’s mouth. All the little hairs on Sam’s neck stood up when he heard a low, guttural moan escape from Dean’s throat when his tongue met Sam’s and started caressing it. Sam sucked slightly on Dean’s tongue, slipping his own tongue into Dean’s mouth in return, earning another moan from Dean that went straight to Sam’s aching cock.

They kissed like that for a while before it slowed down into little pecks on lips. Finally, Dean just stared at Sam with hooded eyes and wrapped his arms more tightly around the boy, drawing Sam as close as possible. Sam pressed his face against Dean’s chest and breathed deep the scent of Dean, listening to the rapid heartbeat in the other boy’s chest. Dean breathed little warm puffs of air into Sam’s hair and caressed the back of Sam’s neck with his fingers in a way that made Sam let out a content sigh and snuggle closer against Dean’s chest. The aching in his own chest had dulled down into a warm, fuzzy feeling. Sam fell asleep to the sound of Dean’s heartbeat, still cradled deep into Dean’s embrace, their bodies tangled up in a sweet embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do realize it's probably illegal in the US to have open containers of alcohol in the car but where I live it's quite common to drive around while your friends are drinking in the car, especially when you're 18 and and just gotten your driver's license :) so I improvised a little, don't shoot me. JK, hope you enjoyed it :) kudos and comments are always appreciated :) oh and I had severe problems with some tenses and it also probably contains a shitload of other mistakes too, my apologies!


	6. Of Heartache And Family Matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While trying to edit out all the mistakes I was wicked hungover so probably contains some major ones, especially with verb tenses :( I'll probably edit this some more when I have time. hope you still find it enjoyable :) let me know what you think!

The next morning was not a pleasant one for Sam. His mouth was drier than Sahara and his head was killing him. It took him a couple of seconds to locate himself and realize he was in fact in his own room, laying on his own bed. Then all the memories from the night before came rushing in like someone had opened the floodgates in his head and Sam had to close his eyes to stop his head from spinning. It felt like someone was drilling the insides of his skull. 

Sam rubbed his temples and sat up carefully. He looked around the room but Dean was nowhere to be seen even though Sam remembered falling asleep in his arms. There was an unpleasant knot forming at the bottom on Sam’s stomach. Had Dean sneaked out before Sam had woken up just to avoid talking to him? Sam got up carefully and took a look at the clock on his nightstand. It wasn’t even 10 am yet. Sam tiptoed to the window and looked out. Dean’s car was still parked in front of their house. The knot loosened a bit. Maybe Dean had just gone to the kitchen to get something to eat.

Sam opened the door of his room which led to the upstairs hallway and almost collided with a very hangover looking Dean. Dean’s skin was missing its normal glow and his eyes were bloodshot. The stench told Sam that Dean had probably been in the toilet throwing up. “Oh, umm, morning”, Dean mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck. The knot in Sam’s stomach tightened again. Dean only did the awkward neck-rubbing when he was nervous. It was not a good sign.

“Morning. You okay?” Sam asked and stared at Dean who was looking everywhere but at Sam. “Umm, yeah, just remembered some stuff I need to do today so I probably should get going. You have any idea where my car keys are?” Dean asked, still gazing at his feet instead of Sam. Sam’s whole stomach dropped. “Yeah they’re in the pocket of my jacket”, Sam answered, using all his willpower to stop his voice from shaking. 

“Umm, yeah, could you maybe give them to me, please? I really need to get going”, Dean said, lifting his gaze but looking somewhere behind Sam, unwilling to meet the boy’s gaze. “Sure”, Sam whispered. He walked down the stairs and Dean followed him. Sam took his jacket from the railing where he had left it the night before and dug the keys from the pocket. He handed them to Dean who took them in a hurry. 

“So, yeah, see ya”, Dean said and was already opening the door when Sam mustered enough courage to say something. “Dean, about last night..”, he started but was cut off by Dean who spun around. “Yeah let’s not go there, okay? I think it’s better for the both of us if we just forget about it, right?” Dean said with a weird tone. Sam wasn’t able to tell if Dean was angry or embarrassed or something else. “I don’t want to forget about it”, Sam whispered, sounding weak even in his own ears. “You kissed me and…”, Sam started but he was cut off my Dean again. “I’m not some fucking faggot, Sam!” Dean almost yelled. Sam flinched like Dean had just hit him. He could feel tears filling his eyes, blurring his vision. Maybe it was good, at least he wouldn’t have to see the disgust in Dean’s expression when he heard what Sam had to say.

“But I am”, Sam whispered, his voice cracking and now there was no stopping the tears. They ran down his cheeks and dropped onto his shirt. Shirt that still smelled like Dean. Sam wanted nothing more than to burn the shirt. Maybe that would make his chest ache less. Sam blinked the tears away and looked at Dean though it didn’t make Sam feel any better to see the broken expression on Dean’s face. “Sam, I’m sorry, I.. I didn’t mean it like that, I just…”, Dean stuttered, biting his lower lip and looking desperate. For a moment Sam thought that if Dean would just take him in his arms and kiss him again and say he was sorry everything would be okay again.

“I was really drunk and the kiss was a mistake. I don’t swing that way”, Dean said and the steel in his voice pierced Sam’s heart like a railroad spike. Suddenly Sam didn’t feel like crying anymore. “Like hell you don’t! It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way about me as I do about you but don’t kiss me and then tell me that ‘you don’t swing that way’! Because that’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard!” Sam almost yelled, surprising himself with how steady and determined his own voice sounded. Dean looked at Sam, still biting his lower lip and clearly looking for something to say. Sam saved him the trouble.

“Just leave, Dean. Please just leave and never come back”, Sam said, the steadiness of his voice wavering again. Dean stared at Sam for couple of seconds before he turned around and walked out the door, closing it after himself. A moment later Sam heard the engine roar and the Impala drove off. After that the last pieces of strength left Sam’s body and he collapsed on the hallway floor and cried so long his voice became hoarse and he had no tears left in him.

**********

When Dean got to his apartment the first thing he did was take a shower. It didn’t make him feel any better though, he still felt like crap, mentally and physically. He went to the kitchen and tried to eat a Pop-Tart but ended up throwing up again. So instead he just drank a couple of glasses of water which seemed to be the only thing he was able to stomach at the moment. Then he changed into his most comforting clothes: AC/DC hoodie that had once been black but was so worn it had turned grey and a pair of sweatpants. 

After that he curled up under the covers, took the extra pillow and hugged it against his chest. Then there was nothing else to keep him company but his thoughts. Dean didn’t even try to stop the tears. He allowed them to blur his vision because he knew if he closed his eyes he would just see Sam’s broken expression. Dean sobbed against his pillow. He never meant to hurt Sam. When Sam had started crying, Dean had wanted nothing more than to wipe the boy’s tears away and take Sam to his arms and say he was sorry over and over again. He wanted nothing more than to press his face into the soft mop of hair and breathe in the scent of Sam. 

Dean’s heart ached so badly he felt actual physical pain in his chest. He wanted nothing more than to hold Sam and kiss Sam and say the boy’s name, whisper it into his ear like the most beautiful prayer. “Sammy”, Dean sobbed into his pillow. He would never be able to be around Sam again. He had fucked it all up. He had done something he shouldn’t have and as a punishment he couldn’t even be around the only person who he felt at ease with. He wanted nothing more than to hear Sam’s laughter and see those dimples and enjoy everything that was Sam.

But as usual Dean had screwed everything up again. He hadn’t been able to control himself because he was weak. And now he would have to suffer the consequences. Dean hugged the pillow tighter against his chest and imagined it was Sam instead. He fell asleep with the tear-soaked pillow pulled tightly against himself.

**********

Dean’s next wake up was so sudden it made his whole body ache. For a moment he was disoriented, trying to locate what had woken him up. Then he realized his phone was ringing. He took it into his hand that was all pins and needles after sleep. He stared cross-eyed at the ringing phone. Somehow he managed to make out the word ‘John’ on the screen. That seemed to snap Dean out of his haze and he answered the phone quickly. “Hi, dad.”

“Finally! Where you at, boy? Been trying to call you the whole afternoon”, John’s somewhat sober voice complained to Dean. It felt like sandpaper in Dean’s ears. “Sorry, sir. Been a bit hangover”, Dean answered. The only kind of sickness his father understood. John just laughed. “Well get your lazy-ass out of bed and come have supper with your old man. It’s been ages since you last visited. Bobby told me you’re doing well at the repair shop”, John said. The closest thing he had ever gotten to a compliment.

“Umm, yes, sir, it’s been good. What time you want me to come around?” Dean asked and glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was 2:19 pm. “Around five’s good. Bring some beers with ya, will ya, boy? You’re not the only one with a hangover but not all of us act like total sissies about it”, John laughed and without waiting for an answer he hung up the phone. Dean stared at the lock screen before he tossed it next to himself on the bed. He sighed and rubbed his face with the palms of his hands. Maybe dinner with John would make him feel better, even though he had major doubts about it.

**********

Ten to five Dean was standing at John’s door with two six packs of beer. John opened the door and Dean could tell that his father had probably been on a weekend-long bender. His face looked like it had never even heard of a razor and there was a thick odor coming from inside the house. “Dean! Long time no see! Give your old man a hug”, John said and pulled Dean into one of his bear hugs, batting him on the back so roughly Dean was sure the bowl of cereal he had been able to eat would come back up soon.

“Hi, dad”, Dean greeted and walked in after John. He took a look at the house. It looked even more grim since the last time he had been there. John sure as hell didn’t give a crap about his environment when he was having good time with his favorite buddies, José, Jack and Jim. Dean put the beers in the fridge and took two of them with him. John was lunched on the couch, watching a football game. Dean handed him a beer and sat down on the recliner that looked like it was in a desperate need of a good scrub.

The reason Dean didn’t like to visit his father was mostly because of the house. It was so fucking depressing Dean felt like he wanted to slit his wrists every time he walked through the door. That house had witnessed some of the worst moments of his life. Cleaning up puke in the middle of the night when John had passed out and trying to drag his ass to bed which had proven impossible for 9-year-old Dean. Taking several whippings with a belt when his father had thought Dean was annoying the teachers on purpose when he wasn’t able to learn how to read. It didn’t matter to John that Dean was later diagnosed with dyslexia. And on top of everything the worst night of Dean’s life. When his father had heard about what had happened at the school.

Dean remembered that night like it was yesterday. He had been in the locker rooms after practice with Tobias when everyone else had already left and they were just messing around, whipping each other with towels and running around, laughing their asses off. Then Dean had sprayed ice cold water on Toby and the other boy had wrestled him to the ground to make him stop. Dean could still feel the cold tile floor under his naked back and Toby’s wet body on top of himself. For a moment they had just stared each other in the eyes and for Dean it had felt like the whole world was standing still. 

Tobias had pinned Dean’s hands above Dean’s head and held them by the wrists. Then he had kissed Dean and Dean’s world had stopped completely. It was nothing like the girls Dean had kissed and groped and fucked. This was soft and sweet and so arousing Dean had never felt anything like it before. Sure he had sometimes thought about boys when he jerked off but nothing compared to what he was feeling at the moment. Toby’s hard, lean and most certainly masculine body, pressing Dean against the floor made fireworks spark in Dean’s head and his whole body was screaming with need.

Tobias started to grind against Dean, making it clear how much he was enjoying the situation as well. At that exact moment something clicked in Dean’s head and he lifted himself from the floor, flipping Toby around so their positions were reversed. Then Dean did something he had only dreamed about doing when he was jerking off. He kissed his way down Toby’s neck and stomach, down the treasure trail and all the way to that still wet patch of hair between the boy’s legs. And then before he had time to start second-guessing or think about things further, he took Tobias’s cock into his mouth. From that moment on Dean knew girls would never be enough for him.

Unfortunately, the bliss had not lasted long. In the middle of Dean sucking Toby off neither of them had noticed the locker room door opening and someone coming in. Dean jumped almost through the ceiling when he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. He opened his eyes and saw Michael standing at the door, looking absolutely stunned until his expression changed into a malicious one. Michael had always hated Dean’s guts for some unknown reason and there he was, standing at the door staring down at Dean who had their teammate’s cock in his mouth.

Tobias had wanted to save his own reputation so he had claimed that he had not wanted any of what had happened. Dean had tried to protest but Michael had made sure nobody would believe him. Somehow the word of what happened reached their principal and since Tobias still swore he had nothing to do with the whole incident and it was all Dean’s fault, it was Dean who got expelled for three days. The principal had gone easy on him since there was really no evidence and it was only Michael’s word against Dean’s. But since every member of the faculty saw Michael as some sort of an angel Dean was forced to play the devil.

Not that he had cared too much. He had been expelled before and it was not a big deal. The only thing he was afraid of was going home. The principal had called John and explained what was the reason Dean was being expelled this time. Dean had driven around for hours after he had left the school but then he had pulled himself together and went home. He would have to face John eventually, better just to get it over with.

John had been drunk as hell and mad out of his mind and that was the first time Dean had been afraid his father would actually end up killing him. “What on earth have you done, boy?!” John had yelled at him and smacked him across the face the moment Dean had walked through the front door. Dean had just swallowed the blood and bowed his head. He would suffer his punishment like a good little soldier. Like he always did. “Dad, please, let me explain…” Dean had begged but the other punch dropped him to his knees. “Did I not tell you I will never tolerate that kind of shit in my house as long as I live!” John had yelled and kicked Dean on the ribs. Dean had swallowed the blood that had risen to his mouth.

“It is a sin, boy, you hear me? A SIN! You will go to hell with all the other fags, right where you belong! You’re filth, Dean, so fucking filthy I don’t want to call you my son anymore! Do you have any idea what people will talk about me if I have a faggot as a son? I thought I beat this out of you all those years ago when I found the shit you’d been looking at on the computer. Guess that didn’t quite sink into that thick skull of yours, huh? Well let’s try again, shall we?” Dean had given his father one last pleading look but it wasn’t John that had stared back at him anymore. That man had died the day Dean’s mom died in the fire that burned down their house and all Dean was left with was the Devil himself.

The memory of that night made shivers run down Dean’s spine even years after. Dean finished his beer and got up to get another one. After that night Dean hadn’t gotten out of bed for two days. Finally, there had been a knock on his door. Bobby, sweet old Bobby had heard about what had happened and came to see how things were at the Winchester household. 

Dean opened the fridge door and stared inside, lost in his memories. He could still hear how Bobby had screamed at John from the top of his lungs. Then he had come to Dean’s room, taken the duffel back from the closet and thrown some of Dean’s stuff inside before coming to stand beside the bed. “Come on, Dean. You’re gonna come and stay at my place for a while”, Bobby had said and Dean had felt so relieved he had burst out crying. Bobby had just helped him get up and walked him out the door and out of the house. John had let Dean leave without saying a word.

Dean took another beer and went back to the living room. He glanced at John who was staring at the game and paying no attention to Dean. They sat like that for a while, the only words John said to Dean were ‘go get the door, boy’ when the doorbell rang. Dean took the take out from the delivery guy and paid him as well. Dean knew John assumed him to pay even though it had been John who had invited Dean for dinner. Dean couldn’t care less though. He just wanted to eat his food and get the hell out of there. He hadn’t anticipated the old house to feel as bad as it did but it seemed like he couldn’t just forget all the horrible things that had happened inside those wall during the years.

After they had finished eating, John tried to strike up a conversation with Dean, sounding somewhat interested in how Dean was doing at work. Dean answered John’s questions with little enthusiasm and when the conversation turned to Dean’s love life, he just got up and made an excuse about stuff he still needed to do at home. John simply nodded and focused on the game again. So Dean just left. Just like he had left all those years ago. And just like back then, no one came after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So John came out maybe a bit more evil than I had planned at first but then again even in the show's subtext it is quite clear that John abused Dean when he was younger so I just went with it. I feel bad for Dean, he really needs some hugs and cuddles <3


	7. Of Grumpy Old Men And Wise Words, part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably littered with mistakes but I'm honestly too tired to care. Sorry this took a sodding forever, university is taking all my time and will to live. I promise a faster update on the next chapter. Praise the person who invented Christmas break. Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos :)

Monday morning came way too fast for Dean. The night before he had fought the urge to drink himself into oblivion to numb the pain but something had stopped him. Bobby. Dean knew he had a customer coming to see him first thing in the morning and even though Dean didn’t give a crap about the guy at the moment, he didn’t want to disappoint Bobby. The pride in Bobby’s voice when he had called Dean and told him that a customer had asked specifically for Dean was the only thing that stopped Dean from drowning himself into the bottle once again. So on Monday morning Dean dragged his ass out of bed when the alarm went off, showered and drank two cups of coffee. Then he headed off to work. 

The customer had been a bit doubtful about Dean, eyeing him up and down. Apparently the man had not expected to see someone as young as Dean but he had left the car for Dean nevertheless. After working on the man’s car relentlessly for three days Dean felt immensely proud of himself when the man came back and took his car for a test drive. He had thanked Dean for his good work and slipped fifty dollars to him as a tip. After that he had praised Dean to Bobby and told him that Bobby could expect all the man’s friends to be using Singer Auto Repair from there on because he would be recommending Dean to everyone he knew. Dean had felt his chest swell with joy when he had seen how proud Bobby had been of him. The rest of the day Dean felt giddy with joy, smiling for no apparent reason.

That was until the day came to an end and Dean’s thoughts moved back to Sam and how he had fucked up everything and how his first thought had been to text Sam and tell the boy everything about the car and the new customer and how proud Bobby had been when he had patted Dean on the back and said ‘good job, Dean, I’m proud of you’. Dean sat on the bench in the locker room, lost in his thoughts, staring at the floor but seeing nothing. 

“Dean?” a voice startled Dean and he lifted his gaze to see Bobby staring at him concernedly. “What’s the matter?” Bobby asked. “Nothing, just a bit tired”, Dean answered, trying to sound nonchalant. Bobby rolled his eyes and sat on the bench opposite of Dean. “Do you think I’m a total idjit? Or blind? You should’ve been over the moon with joy this week from all the praise you’ve been getting from everyone but instead you look like someone just ran over your puppy. So spill it, boy”, Bobby said and stared at Dean with caring concern.

Dean cleared his throat, buying himself time to gather his thoughts. “I’ve just been having, um, relationship troubles. Nothing big really”, Dean said dismissively. “Don’t try to con a conman, Dean. Whatever it is, it is clearly bothering you”, Bobby answered, his voice a bit softer. Dean sifted uncomfortably. “So what is it? Some lady giving you a hard time?” Bobby asked. Dean’s mouth twitched involuntarily but before he had time to answer Bobby asked: “Or a boy?” 

Dean’s head snapped up in horror and he hated himself instantly for being so fucking obvious. Bobby smiled at him knowingly. “Let me make one thing clear, Dean. We have been friends with your father for a long time now and even though I consider him to be one of my closest friends, it doesn’t mean I agree with him on everything he does. One of the things we have argued over the most is the way he has treated you sometimes. That night I came to pick you up, you know, after what happened at the school, was not the only time I considered ending my friendship with your father. When I saw what he had done to you... And I’ve never told this to anyone so this stays between us, okay, Dean? When I saw what he had done to you, I went back to your place after I had taken you to mine and you had fallen asleep and I beat the everliving crap out of your father. I swear to god I wanted to kill that man back then. I don’t know if you have noticed but your father and I have not been as close after that. What he did to you… it ain’t right. No father should treat their son like that, no matter what”, Bobby said. Dean had stayed quiet, just staring at his hands. Sure he remembered that his father had been bruised even couple of weeks after the incident but he had thought that John had just gotten into a bar fight or something. Sure as hell wouldn’t have been the first time that had happened.

“Bobby, I… I didn’t know”, Dean muttered and after a pause he whispered: “Thank you.” Bobby shook his head. “No need to thank me, Dean. You know I consider you as my son, right? I’ve never had children of my own but you are my son and I’m damn proud of you. So let’s make one thing clear once and for all, shall we? I am not John. I don’t care who you wanna be with as long as you’re happy and as long as they are good for you. I don’t say this often but family don’t end with blood, boy. And you’re my family. So now that we have cleared up that, you mind telling me why you’ve been acting like the Grinch for the past couple of days?” Bobby asked.

Dean felt tears pooling in his eyes. Bobby accepted him the way he was. Bobby didn’t care if he liked boys. Bobby said Dean was his son. Suddenly Dean did feel like the Grinch, his heart expanding with love and gratitude towards Bobby. Sweet, old Bobby who had always been more of a father to him than John. “Thank you, Bobby. And yeah, um, it’s kinda complicated”, Dean answered, rubbing the back of his neck. Bobby rolled his eyes. “Balls. Japanese is complicated but if I have been able to learn that, I think I can grasp the concept of a heartache. So spill it”, Bobby said sternly but a smile played on his lips. Dean eased up a bit and even mustered a small smile.

“Well there’s this boy, Sam, that I’ve been hanging out with and then we, um, we kissed and after that I told him… I told him I’m not bent that way and we argued and I left and I haven’t spoken to him since”, Dean said, blushing slightly. He felt awkward talking to Bobby about these kinds of things. He had never talked to anyone how he felt about boys. Bobby frowned. “Bent? That’s the word you use to describe yourself? You get rid of that mindset, Dean. That’s John talking and that’s a dangerous path to walk, filled with self-loathing and alcoholism and you’re better than that, Dean. So you’re gonna get your ass up and go apologize to the boy and explain that sometimes you’re a jackass and maybe the boy will forgive you. And you will never talk about yourself like that ever again, Dean. Who you love doesn’t make you any less of a person or any less of a man, no matter what bullshit John has told you”, Bobby said and stood up. He laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

“It’s gonna be alright, Dean. Bring the boy around for supper when he’s forgiven you”, Bobby said and smiled. Dean wiped a tear from his cheek. There was still something he wanted to say to Bobby. “There’s another problem though. Sam’s a bit younger than me”, Dean said, waiting anxiously for Bobby’s reaction. Bobby’s brow furrowed. “How much younger are we talking about?” Bobby asked. “Four years. He’ll be seventeen this year”, Dean answered and bit on his lower lip nervously. “Well, then you better keep it in your pants until he’s legal unless you fancy going to the big house. I swear to god, Dean, for a boy as bright as you, you can sometimes be a right up idjit. I’m waiting for you to bring Sam for dinner. Just let me know when you’ve kissed and made up”, Bobby said and squeezed Dean’s shoulder one last time before he walked out the door and left Dean alone with his thoughts.

**********

Once back at home, Dean changed into his comfort clothes. It had become something of a habit. The old, worn-out AC/DC hoodie and sweatpants made him feel safe like a security blanket. He took some milk and cookies from the kitchen and crawled into bed. He turned on his laptop and tried to watch Netflix but his mind wandered elsewhere. At last he couldn’t take it anymore so he picked up his phone. He had some major graveling to do to have even the slightest of hope of Sam forgiving him for being such an ass.  


Dean had thought about Bobby’s words the whole drive home. It warmed his heart to hear Bobby refer to Dean as his son. He would much rather be Bobby’s son than John’s. And to have Bobby tell Dean to bring Sam for dinner… Dean couldn’t imagine John doing something like that in a million years. Dean was slowly letting go of the ideal of someday being accepted by John the way he was. 

And to his surprise, he was quite okay with that. Bobby accepted him and loved him unconditionally. Bobby had saved him from a downward spiral when he had dropped out of school. Bobby had told Dean that Dean could stay with him as long as he wanted. Bobby had helped him to look for an apartment and Bobby had offered him a job from the Auto Repair. And most of all, Bobby had stood up against his best friend to protect Dean. Bobby had been there for Dean and Bobby had cared. Dean knew Bobby hated all sorts of sentimental crap but Dean decided to go and buy the old man a gift. Something that would say ‘thank you for believing in me’.

Dean stared at his phone, thinking about how he could apologize to Sam. But first he texted Bobby. No sentimental words or other gimmicks. Just a simple ‘thank you’. Bobby would appreciate it. Then Dean started thinking about what he wanted to say to Sam. He started typing.

Dean 7:16pm: Hey Sam. How have you been? I’ve been fucking miserable. I was an asshole to you and I regret it more than anything. I’ve been struggling a lot with how I feel and who I am but I think it’s time for me to grow some balls and admit it. I like you. A lot. I regret all the horrible things I said to you and that I didn’t have the nerve to say how I really feel and how I wanted nothing more than to kiss you again. Instead I was a coward and an asshole. If you ever wanna talk to me again, I would like to apologize properly and maybe explain myself a bit and try and make it up to you. Again, I’m sorry. Hope you can forgive me.

Dean knew he was rambling but he sent the text anyway. It summed up pretty well how he was feeling at the moment. Dean tried to concentrate on the show he was watching put ended up checking his phone every two seconds. He saw that Sam had read his text but hadn’t replied. Dean slammed the laptop shut and got up. He couldn’t concentrate. He needed to talk to Sam and make things right. Even if Sam never wanted to see him again, Dean needed to apologize to him face to face. Dean looked at the time and something clicked in his head. Sam had told him he had a Mathletes’ meeting on Wednesday and if Dean remembered correctly, it would end 8 pm. Dean had ten minutes to get to the school. He made a quick decision, changed back into his jeans and was out the door within minutes.

Dean drove like a maniac, eyeing at the clock on the dashboard every two seconds. He would have to make it. He needed to catch Sam before the boy went home. Dean wasn’t brave enough to go and knock on Sam’s door in the fear that Sam’s mom or dad might open it and he would have to make up some shitty excuse to see Sam. No, he needed to catch Sam before the boy left from school. 

Dean parked the car hastily to the parking lot and got out. He locked the doors and ran to the other side of the school where the main doors were. Just as he ran around the corner, he saw a familiar mop of hazel brown hair and his heart skipped a beat. The meeting had already ended and Sam was standing in front of the main doors, talking with a dark-haired boy and a red-headed girl. 

Dean slowed down, considering the best possible way to approach Sam when the dark-haired boy started walking to Dean’s direction and when Sam turned to wave him goodbye, he saw Dean. Sam locked eyes with Dean, the wide smile on his face dying and he looked uncertain. The red-headed girl turned to look at what Sam was staring at and when she noticed Dean, she got up on her tippy-toes and whispered something into Sam’s ear. Sam nodded and stared at Dean. The girl patted Sam on the back and left.

Sam didn’t do anything, he just stood there staring at Dean. Dean took one last deep breath and mustered up some courage. Then he walked up to Sam. “Hiyya, Sammy”, Dean said, his voice weak and almost trembling. Sam didn’t say anything, he just bit on his lower lip. Dean swallowed hard. He had almost forgotten how tall Sam was; not even seventeen and almost as tall as Dean. Dean cleared his throat, unsure what to say next. “So, um, I texted you but you didn’t answer so...” Dean started but he was cut off by Sam. “So you decided to come and see me anyways? Did you even consider that if I didn’t answer you, maybe I also didn’t wanna see you?” Sam asked, his voice harsh and emotionless. Dean felt a hurtful sting inside himself at Sam’s words but he knew he deserved it. Sam had probably felt a lot worse because of what Dean had said to him. 

“I know. I’m sorry. This was a bad idea. I just wanted to apologize in person. I was horrible to you and I understand if you can’t forgive me. I just, I wanted to say I’m sorry. This was a bad idea. Sorry. About that too. And what I said before. I… I’ll leave you alone now”, Dean rambled and hated himself for it. He felt himself blush and turned to leave. He was such an idiot. What right did he have to come and harass Sam at his school when it was clear that Sam didn’t want to talk to him?

Dean started walking back to his car, determined to make it before the waterworks started. “Dean, wait!” Dean heard Sam yell after him and he stopped dead in his tracks. Dean turned around. Sam was jogging towards him. “I…um, I don’t have to go home just yet and, um, it’s not like I forgive you or anything but… for fuck’s sake, can we just go somewhere more private to have this conversation?” Sam mumbled and rubbed his face with the palm of his hand. Dean could feel a flicker of hope inside himself but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. This didn’t mean Sam forgave him.

“Yeah, my car is just around the corner. We could go to my place?” Dean suggested cautiously. Sam nodded so Dean lead the way, happy to see Sam following him. He stayed quiet so he wouldn’t ruin the situation my saying something dumb that might make Sam change his mind. So he just unlocked the doors of his car and slid in. Sam followed suit and they drove to Dean’s place in silence.


	8. Of Grumpy Old Men And Wise Words, part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been sick for five weeks now with bronchitis and sinusitis and even though I've read this through a hundred times or so, I bet there's still plenty of mistakes to go around. Hope they don't bother you that much and you enjoy it nevertheless :) let me know what you think!

Dean opened the door and let Sam in. “Would you like something to drink? Or eat?” Dean asked nervously, glancing at Sam for the first time since they got out of the car. God, Sam was even more gorgeous than he had remembered. Eyes shining hazel and amber and his hair soft and looking even longer than before. Dean wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through it and feel its silky texture against his skin again. “Yeah, can I have a beer maybe, if you have any? I feel like I might need one”, Sam said and bit on his lower lip. Dean followed the movement with his eyes. “Sure. You can go to the living room, I’ll be right with ya”, Dean said and disappeared into the kitchen. 

Dean took two beers out of the fridge and braced himself before entering the living room where Sam was already sitting, curled up on Dean’s couch. Dean handed him the beer and sat on the other end of the small couch. Their legs were almost touching. Dean watched as Sam took a long sip from the bottle. Dean realized Sam was just as nervous as Dean was, if not even more so. Sam seemed to get himself together though, because the next time he looked at Dean his eyes were determined and stable. 

“Why did you do it? Said all those mean things and then ran away?” Sam asked and even though he tried to sound strong, his voice cracked in a way that broke Dean’s heart. Now it was Dean’s turn to sip on his beer. “Because I’m an idiot. The whole time I’ve spent with you I’ve been fooling myself, forcing myself to believe that we’re just friends and that there is nothing more to it. Then I went and got drunk and apparently couldn’t keep pretending that I don’t feel what I feel. And the morning after I panicked and said horrible things to you. I’m sorry about it, Sam. I’m an idiot and deserve all the shit I get. You have no idea how much I regret what I did and if I could take it back believe me, I would”, Dean said, looking Sam in the eyes when he apologized. He wanted to do this right.

Sam looked like he was contemplating Dean’s words. “Do you regret only what you said? Or do you also regret kissing me?” Sam asked cautiously. “Only the words. I don’t regret kissing you”, Dean whispered. Something softened in Sam’s eyes. “Then why did you say those things if you didn’t regret kissing me?” Sam asked, his voice so quiet Dean could barely hear what he said. “Because I’ve lived my whole life with someone who told me that being gay is disgusting and that I will burn in hell if I like boys”, Dean whispered, staring at his hands. He felt like an idiot. His father had always been an asshole but somehow Dean had thought… what? That if he pretended to be something he wasn’t, his father would magically turn into the father of the year? What a ludicrous idea.

Sam’s eyes softened. “I’m sorry to hear that, Dean. That’s an awful thing to grow up with”, Sam said, his voice so soft and understanding Dean felt like crying. He bit on his lower lip to stop himself from bawling his eyes out. He had been a real asshole to Sam and what does Sam do? Is understanding and caring and everything that was just too much for Dean to handle at once. He felt tears pouring out of his eyes and before he knew it, he was wailing like a baby. Dean heard a beer bottle being laid on the wooden coffee table and then Sam took Dean’s bottle from his hand and laid it down as well.

Then Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and to his own embarrassment Dean cling on to him like Sam was a lifeline and cried against the boy’s shoulder. Sam just held Dean in his arms and let him cry as long as he needed, rubbing soothing circles on Dean’s back. Eventually Dean’s tears died out and he felt only embarrassed. Suddenly Dean became very self-conscious about the fact that Sam was practically holding Dean in his arms and Dean’s head was resting against Sam’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Sammy”, Dean whispered. Sam wrapped his arms tighter around Dean. Their legs were a tangled up mess on the couch.

“I can’t say it didn’t hurt and it kinda still hurts when I think about how I felt back then, but… I also kinda understand you”, Sam whispered back. Dean lifted his head from Sam’ shoulder and leaned back a bit, mustering the courage to look Sam in the eyes. “You shouldn’t. I was amazingly shitty to you. If you wanna punch me I totally get it. I would punch me if I were you”, Dean said. Sam tried to keep a straight face but a small smile sneaked its way on his lips. “I don’t wanna punch you, Dean. But if you ever do that again, I might change my mind”, Sam said. He was still holding Dean’s hand.

“So you, like, maybe forgive me?” Dean asked with cautious optimism. Sam’s smile widened. “Maybe”, he replied. Suddenly Dean realized how close Sam exactly was. Dean licked his lips almost unconsciously. Their legs were tangled together and Sam was still holding his hand. “If I promise not to freak out again, would it be okay if I kissed you?” Dean whispered, his voice rough and foreign. He had aimed for confident and seductive but his vocal cords refused to co-operate.

Sam smiled, all dimples and plush lips and hazel eyes shining and so pretty it took Dean’s breath away. “Okay”, Sam murmured, his voice soft and inviting, small smile still playing on his lips. Dean cupped Sam’s cheek with his hand and stared into those hazel eyes that were framed with dark, curvy eyelashes. Sam’s lips were parted and his eyes shined in the dim light of the room. Dean felt something flutter in his chest. Nervousness mixed with something else. He was crushing hard on Sammy.

Dean leaned slowly forward, giving Sam time to change his mind and pull away. But instead Sam leaned forward as well, wrapping his hands around Dean’s neck and closing the distance between them. Sam’s lips were warm and welcoming. They felt more like home than anything Dean had felt before. Dean wrapped his arms around Sam’s still boyish, narrow waist and pulled him closer. Dean wanted nothing more than to get lost in Sam, hold the boy close and forget about the world. Dean took Sam’s lower lip between his lips and sucked on it slightly.

The moan that escaped from Sam’s mouth was anything but innocent and it went straight to Dean’s cock. Sam leaned in closer, pushing Dean against the couch and practically straddling the older boy. Sam’s hands wandered under Dean’s hoodie and now it was Dean’s turn to moan lewdly. Sure he had had experiments with boys in his past but usually they had been just drunken hook ups. Sam was something else. Dean didn’t want to just fuck Sam (even though he wanted that as well very much), he wanted to hold and kiss and caress Sam. Make the boy feel special and loved.

‘Sam might still be a virgin.’ The thought occurred to Dean and made his heart race. Dean slid his tongue into Sam’s wet, welcoming mouth and was met with Sam’s eager tongue. Dean tried to keep his thoughts somewhat innocent but he couldn’t help but think how good that mouth would feel wrapped around his cock. When Sam’s hand wandered down to the front of Dean’s jeans, Dean flinched and pulled away. Sam looked surprised and slightly hurt. “Sam, we can’t…”, Dean protested. Sam gave Dean his renowned bitchface.

“Why not?” Sam asked with a pout, his plush lips kiss-swollen and so perfect Dean’s determination wavered a bit. “Because it’s illegal. You’re only sixteen”, Dean replied. Sam rolled his eyes. “When did you become the moral police? Come on, Dean, we got wasted together and you let me drive your car. I think it’s safe to say we have crossed the line of illegal a while ago”, Sam said with a devilish grin. Dean swallowed hard. He hadn’t anticipated things to move so fast.

Sam sighed and leaned back on the couch. “Sorry, you’re probably right. Maybe it’s better if we take things slow. At least at first. I don’t want you to freak out again”, Sam said and smiled softly at Dean. Dean felt his heart flutter again. “I’m not freaking out, Sammy”, Dean said and smiled back at the boy. Sam stared at Dean and was about to say something when his phone rang. Sam dug it out of his pocket and a worried frown formed on his face.

“Shit, it’s my mom”, Sam said and answered the call. “Hi, mom”, Sam said and bit on his lower lip. His mother sounded concerned. Never a good sign. “Sam where are you? I expected you home an hour and a half ago. Has something happened?” Mary asked worriedly. “No, mom, I’m at a… friend’s place. I’ll be home in half an hour”, Sam replied. There was a small pause until Mary answered. “Okay, Sammy. See you then, sweetie”, Mary said and after exchanging goodbyes Sam hung up the call.

“I think I should get going”, Sam said and smiled at Dean a bit awkwardly. He couldn’t believe how bold he had been just a minute ago, ready to have sex with Dean right then and there. Dean nodded understandingly. “Want me to give you a drive home?” he asked. Sam fidgeted with his hands, a slight blush on his cheeks. Dean had to use every bit of his self-control not to ravage Sam’s mouth again. The boy looked good enough to eat. “If it’s not too much trouble”, Sam said and looked at Dean under those long, thick eyelashes. “It’s no trouble at all”, Dean said and got up. Sam followed his lead and they walked back to Dean’s car in silence. 

Dean pulled to a stop in front of Sam’s house and turned to Sam. “You wanna come and see the Jeep some day? Or you know… maybe come and see me?” Dean asked and now it was his turn to blush. He had never been in this kind of a situation with a boy before. “I have the weekend off more or less. Couple of essays but I can probably finish them before Saturday. Could I come to your place? You know, like, spend the night?” Sam asked, all shy smile and dimples and even though the practical part of Dean’s brained screamed at him that it was the stupidest idea ever, he wanted nothing more than to say yes.

“Sam, it’s not like I don’t want to, it’s just… what I said before and…” Dean tried to explain, failing miserably. Sam chuckled at him. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant, like, watch a bad movie and eat some popcorn and I can sleep on the couch or something. Just hang out”, Sam said and took Dean’s hand shyly into his own. “Oh. Um, yeah, I guess that’s okay then. But how about your parents? I have a feeling they might not be too thrilled about their 16-year-old son spending the night with someone they don’t know and who is four years older”, Dean said and enjoyed Sam’s long fingers caressing his hand. “Maybe I just don’t tell them. I can say that I’ll be spending the night with Charlie. She will back me up”, Sam said with a grin that was shy and devilish at the same time.

Dean knew he should say no. Between the two of them, he was supposed to be the adult. He knew that having Sam at his place, spending the night and all, would not end well. Dean was determined to say no. “Okay then. How’s Friday night for ya?” Dean heard his mouth say. Dammit. But the way Sam smiled made Dean feel like he had done the right thing. “Friday’s good. Maybe around seven? I think Charlie can give me a ride if I bribe her a bit”, Sam said and smiled from ear to ear. “Seven’s good. Can’t wait”, Dean whispered and before he could stop himself, he had leaned forward and kissed Sam softly. 

The kiss was short and sweet and when they parted, Sam’s cheeks were blushed and pink and Dean just couldn’t make himself feel guilty about agreeing to Sam’s plea to spend the night at his place. “I’ll text you. Gotta get going or my mom will come and see what’s the hold-up”, Sam said and with a wave of his hand he was out the car. Dean stared after Sam for a while before driving off. He couldn’t stop smiling the whole drive home.

**********  
Sam tried to look as normal as he could when he walked through the front door, even though all he really wanted was to burst into a song. ‘Dean kissed me! Twice! And I’m going to his place to spent the night in just couple of days!’ Sam’s mind kept cheering. Sam felt giddy and happy until he turned the corner to go to his room and ran into his mother. “Oh, hi mom. Sorry I’m late”, Sam said and smiled mildly at Mary, trying to keep his expression nonchalant. He didn’t want his mother to start asking questions. Unfortunately, Sam had forgot that his mother always seemed to know when something was going on, even if Sam didn’t say anything. Mary could have given Sherlock Holmes a run for his money.

“Hi Sam. You want to tell me something?” Mary asked and crossed her arms over her chest. Her expression was a combination between worry and curiosity. “Um, no?” Sam answered hopefully. “Really? Not even why a boy I’ve never seen before was kissing you in front of our house just a minute ago?” Mary said sneakily and tilted her head. Sam could feel his cheeks burning crimson. “Are you spying on me or something? I didn’t know we were that type of a family”, Sam said accusingly. He didn’t really want to have any safe sex discussions with his mother, let alone spill the beans on the fact that Dean was somewhat older than him.

“Not spying, just concerned. I heard a motor running in front of the house and when I looked outside, I saw an unfamiliar car and you just happened to be kissing the boy. So is he your boyfriend, Sam? You know you can tell us everything, sweetie”, Mary said with a soft smile. Sam had never had to tell his parents that he was gay because his mother seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to Sam’s personal businesses. When Sam had been fourteen, his mother had simply stated that it didn’t matter to Sam’s parents who Sam liked as long as he was happy and Sam had just nodded and that had been the whole coming out discussion.

“Um, not really. I mean not yet. Or I don’t think so”, Sam mumbled. He had just patched things up with Dean and sure as hell wasn’t ready to determine the nature of their current relationship, especially to his nosy mother. “Well, maybe he would like to come for a dinner someday so your father and I could meet him? What’s his name?” Mary asked. “His name is Dean and I don’t think we’re at the ‘come meet my parents’ face just yet. Sorry mum, I still have some homework to do”, Sam said and ran up the stairs to his room. His mother was a nice woman and very understanding but there was no way Sam was ready to tell her that he was seeing a boy, no, a man, four years older than him.

**********  
That night Dean had trouble falling asleep but this time it was not because he was sad, quite the contrary, he was so happy and filled with warm feelings towards Sam that he couldn’t stop thinking about the boy. Dean folded his arms behind his head, lying in bed, his bedroom dark and comforting, only a small string light he had wrapped around the curtain rod lighting the room. For the first time in months he felt happy and content, his bed inviting instead of lonely. Dean had his eyes closed, smiling at the darkness surrounding him. 

He rolled to his side and wiggled under the covers, hugging the extra pillow against his chest. He felt younger than he had felt in years. Like he was sixteen again, having a crush on a pretty boy. But this time instead of anxiety and self-hatred, he felt giddy with joy and excited to have Sam to his place in just couple of days. Dean felt himself smiling like an idiot, thinking about how much fun they would have, watching movies and cuddling on the couch and ordering pizza. Dean felt like he was finally allowed to have the teenage crush he was denied all those years ago. He fell asleep with a content smile on his face and a happy flutter inside his heart.


	9. Of Pouring Rain And Country Songs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay finally! Hope there are not too many mistakes :) Thanks for the kudos and comments, they're always well appreciated :)

“We couldn't wait for the days to get longer,  
Spend nights sitting up, wasting away  
All the shit that we did when we were younger,  
Think back and it feels like yesterday  
We were losing teeth,  
Stayed up again last night, talk some sense to me

So it seems the time has come  
To pack your bags, close your eyes and run like I did,  
If you do it first I'll follow straight behind you  
Cuz growing old is a waste of time,  
To say goodbye is a waste of breath,  
We'll stick it out til the bitter end

I remember every night that we spent on the edge,  
The cold warmth and the bitter taste that it left  
Young, dumb, carefree and reckless,  
But there's some method to the madness

Passed out in the living room,  
Moved on but I'll see you soon,  
Bored now you're absent,  
Back home there's still nothing to do  
Though we complained about it  
All was such a worthwhile waste of my time,  
Each day and each night a memory,  
Take care and please don't forget me

Don't give a fuck what they have to say,  
Cuz we'll just do it anyway,  
And if we break a bone or it fries my brain,  
We took a risk and laughed at our mistakes.  
Give a fuck if we don't fit in!  
We don't need them,  
They don't know a thing about us,  
All the times we shared  
The world at our feet and in the wind in our hair.”  
(Neck Deep- Losing Teeth)

On Friday Dean was on cloud freaking nine. He was practically dancing his way around work but toned it down a bit when Benny asked him if he had crabs and Bobby burst into laughter. To make his day even better, Dean received another job offer from a guy who had heard good things about Dean from his friend. Dean would start on the man’s vintage Pontiac the first thing on Monday. In the back of his mind Dean reminded himself that he should get back to the Jeep as well so Sam would actually get it back some day.  


After work Dean went for a quick run. It was a beautiful, warm and sunny day but the weather forecast had predicted rain as the evening progressed. Dean soaked up the sun and felt better than he had felt in ages. He was really looking forward to spending time with Sam. After the run Dean went straight to the shower. He washed himself and jerked off, just to prevent things from getting too intense with Sam even though he had no intentions of doing anything even slightly inappropriate with the boy. 

After the shower Dean sat on the small kitchen isle, only a towel wrapped around his waist, listening to music, drinking a beer and eating toast. He listened to AC/DC, thinking about what kind of music Sam liked. Dean realized he still had a lot he didn’t know about Sam. What was his favorite music? Or food? Or color? Dean decided to find out all of those things, he wanted to know everything about Sam. The only thing he knew was that he liked everything he had learned about Sam so far. Sam was warm and gentle and he felt like home to Dean. He made Dean smile.

Dean got dressed and cleaned the apartment a bit, trying to make it look even slightly presentable and dug out an old mattress and bedding for Sam. Then he had nothing left to do so he sat on the couch and turned on the TV. Dean hated to admit but he felt nervous. Even though he was twenty-one already, he had never been in a situation like this before. Sometimes Dean felt like he was the awkward 16-year-old and Sam was the older one who knew what to do and how to act.

Doorbell rang and snapped Dean out of his thoughts and he got up so fast he felt lightheaded for a moment. Dean took a deep breath and walked to the door. Another deep breath and he opened the door to find smiling Sam behind it. “Hi, Sammy”, Dean said and smiled at the boy. “Hi”, Sam replied and smiled as well. A small, shy smile that made Dean’s heart dance and his stomach do somersaults. 

“Come on in”, Dean said and stepped aside to let Sam enter. “I brought bribes”, Sam said and opened the backpack he had hanging over his shoulder and dug out chips, dip and soda. “Good, let’s take those to the kitchen”, Dean said and led the way. Sam followed him and put the chips and the dip on the kitchen counter. He handed Dean the soda and Dean put it in the fridge. Then Sam sat on the kitchen isle. “Do you have beer? Can I have one?” Sam asked, tilting his head. 

Dean turned to him and gave him a look. “What am I, your personal supplier? I’m starting to think you wanna hang out with me just for the benefits”, Dean smirked. Sam smiled at him, the cutest half-smile Dean had ever seen. “You caught me”, Sam said and his little smile turned into a full-on grin. How was Dean supposed to resist that? “Fine, but only one, two max. I don’t want this to become a habit. Think I’ve corrupted you enough for one lifetime”, Dean sighed and took out two beers. He twisted the caps off and handed the other beer to Sam.

“Please, you think I haven’t been drinking and doing illegal stuff way before I met you? Don’t flatter yourself, Dean”, Sam snorted and took a sip of his beer. Dean leaned his arms against the kitchen isle. “Oh yeah, like what, Mr. Mathelete? Staying past your bedtime to watch the Care Bears?” Dean laughed and took a sip of his beer. Sam made him feel at ease. When Dean was with Sam, he didn’t notice the age difference. All he knew he was that he liked Sam’s company.

“More like smoking weed and drinking till you pass out and hooking up with random guys at parties. Stop acting like you’re the only one who’s ever done something they shouldn’t have. I don’t think you giving me a beer or two will throw me off the track”, Sam said, clearly amused when Dean choked on his beer. When he got over the coughing fit he looked at Sam with new-found interest. “So you’re telling me that you have a dark side nobody knows of?” Dean said and tilted his head.

Sam rolled his eyes again. “No, I’m telling you that everyone does that stuff when they’re young. It doesn’t mean that you’re a fuck-up or anything. It’s just part of growing up and I know my own limits and I know what I want and don’t want to do”, Sam said, staring Dean in the eyes. Dean raised an eyebrow. “Whatever you say, Sammy. Wanna order some pizza? I’m starving”, Dean said just to change the subject. He didn’t like the way the conversation was headed.

“Yeah, can we order from that Italian place that’s down the street? They have probably the best pizzas in the whole town”, Sam said and tilted his head in a way that reminded Dean of a puppy asking for permission. “Yeah they’re my favorite also. I have the takeout menu if you wanna check it out?” Dean said, offering Sam the menu from the fridge door. “No need, I already know that I want Pepe’s Pepperoni Paradise”, Sam answered with a grin. Dean smiled to the boy and dialed the number. He had the app on his phone but he had found out that the pizzas came faster if you just called the place.

Once Dean had ordered the food, he suggested they would go to the living room and find the movie. They sat on the couch as Dean opened his Xbox where he had just the week before installed Netflix. Sam told him the name of the movie and Dean searched it. “You wanna watch it now or when the food arrives?” Dean asked, turning to Sam who was sitting next to him, sipping his beer. Sam grinned. “Dunno. You have something else in mind before we watch it?” Sam asked cheekily, tilting his head and eyeing Dean up and down in a way that made Dean’s heart race.

Without saying a word, Sam put his beer down on the coffee table, not moving his eyes away from Dean. Dean’s beer was already on the table so he had nothing to hold on and he could feel his palms getting sweaty. Sam was getting closer and Dean tried to take in every little detail of Sam. The way his dark, thick eyelashes curled. The way his cupid’s bow made a cute little curve. The way Sam’s left dimple was slightly showing. The way Sam’s eyes seemed to almost shine in the bright light of Dean’s living room. The way Sam’s hair was tousled because he had ran his hand through it. How Sam’s skin looked smooth and soft and beautifully tanned.

Even though it happened so slowly Dean had plenty of time to admire every inch of Sam’s beauty, all of a sudden Sam was sitting right in front of Dean, biting on his lower lip, his eyes finally straying from Dean’s, like he was all of a sudden shy, his gaze falling to his own lap. Dean placed his hand on Sam’s soft, warm cheek and Sam lifted his face to look at Dean, all hopeful smile and happy eyes. ‘God, I just wanna make you happy’, Dean thought to himself but said nothing out loud. Instead he leaned forward and kissed Sam’s soft lips.

Dean could feel Sam’s smile on the kiss, the way the boy’s lips curved and Dean could feel a dimple forming under his hand that was still resting on Sam’s cheek. Sam’s hands gripped the front of Dean’s favorite Led Zeppelin hoodie. But they were not needy hands, they were not the hands of the boy who had kissed Dean feverishly on the same couch just few evenings ago. They were soft, gentle hands, just trying to make sure Dean would stay, that Dean wouldn’t freak out and leave. Not forceful but reassuring hands. Telling Dean this was exactly where Sam wanted to be, wishing that it was where Dean wanted to be as well. Be with Sam, on that worn-out, Bobby’s old couch, kissing Sam and holding him.

And Dean reciprocated, wrapping his arms around Sam’s neck, not demanding but reassuring, telling Sam he wouldn’t freak out and that he wanted to stay there, on that run-down couch as long as Sam wanted him to. Sam’s smile widened and Dean licked Sam’s lips tentatively with the tip of his tongue. Sam opened his mouth and let Dean in, meeting his tongue with his own. Sam’s mouth was wet and velvet soft and Dean wanted nothing more than to kiss the boy forever. 

Dean ran his fingers through Sam’s hair. It felt soft and silken in his hands. Dean caressed the nape of Sam’s neck and felt goosebumps forming on the boy’s skin. Sam squirmed and laughed against Dean’s lips. Dean opened his eyes and looked at Sam. There was a defiant hue of green in the hazel of Sam’s eyes, fighting to be noticed. It reminded Dean of the first patches of green grass in the Spring. Spring was Dean’s favorite season; it was the time of year when everything came back to life again. ‘Sam is like the spring; he warms me like the sun and makes me feel alive again’, Dean thought to himself. The thought made him smile.

The sudden ringing sound cut through the cozy mood and made both of them jump. For a moment they just stared at each other questionably until Sam started laughing. “The pizzas. I almost forgot about that”, Sam chuckled. Dean had totally forgotten they were waiting for food. His mind had been so wrapped up on one thing and one thing only: Sam, Sam, Sam. He felt like he would never even need to eat again if he could just continue sitting on that couch with Sam. Unfortunately, the pizza guy was persistent so instead of wasting away with nothing on his lips but Sam’s kisses, Dean forced himself to get up. He took his wallet and went to the door. He paid the annoyed-looking guy and came back to the living room with two steaming hot pizzas.

Dean stood at the living room door with the pizzas in hand, staring at the worn-out and not so comfortable couch Sam was still sitting on. “Dean? You okay?” Sam’s voice snapped him back to reality. “Yeah. I was just thinking, you wanna go eat these in bed and watch the movie there? It’s much more comfortable than the couch or the floor”, Dean heard himself say even though he was sure he didn’t say anything of the sorts. Surely he wouldn’t suggest such a thing when he was trying to avoid any types of compromising positions with Sam?

Sam looked surprised but nodded happily. “Sure. I’ll get the soda”, Sam said and got up. “Can you bring the cutting board and the pizza cutter as well? They’re on the kitchen counter”, Dean said and walked to the bedroom. He laid the pizzas on the bed and dug out his laptop from under the bed where he had shoved it so he wouldn’t step on it. Sam walked into the room with arms full of stuff which he laid on the bed. He put the soda bottle on the window sill and sat on the bed where Dean was already sitting, turning on his laptop and login in to Netflix. Dean typed the name of the movie and pressed play when it popped up on the screen. Then he settled the laptop so they could both see the screen.

Dean gathered some pillows against the headboard and handed some to Sam. Then they both leaned against the pillows, sitting somewhat cross-legged so they could dig into their pizzas at the same time. After some awkward fumbling they were both stuffing their faces with the food. “Damn this is good!” Dean declared and Sam nodded eagerly, unable to answer with a mouth full of pizza. They finished their pizzas in record time and Dean put the empty boxes and the cutting board on the nightstand. 

Then they both laid back against the pillows, their stomachs full, sprawling all over the bed, trying to get comfortable. After a while of sifting they ended up with Sam in a half-upright sitting position and Dean laying on his side, his head resting on Sam’s lap. The denim of Sam’s jeans was rough against Dean’s cheek but Dean didn’t mind. It felt heavenly to lay like that and watch the somewhat corny movie that made them not scared but rather slightly amused. Dean listened to the lovely sound of Sam’s laughter. Sam’s fingers touched the back of Dean’s neck and send a pleasant shiver down his spine. God, he was loving all of it. How Sam’s skin felt against his and how Sam was soft and warm and felt like the safe home Dean had never had growing up. At one point Dean closed his eyes and just enjoyed Sam’s scent and the fingers skimming over the sensitive skin of his neck.

When Sam moved his hands into Dean’s hair and stroked it with languid motion, Dean let out a happy sigh that sounded more like a half-moan. “Feels good?” Sam asked. “Yeah, feels awesome”, Dean sighed and opened his eyes lazily to stare at the movie he didn’t give a rat’s ass about. He wished the movie would never end though so Sam would keep stroking his hair forever. Unfortunately, the end credits started rolling way too soon and Dean sighed out of disappointment. 

He felt Sam shiver slightly. Dean turned on his back and looked up at Sam who was wearing only a thin long-sleeved shirt. “You cold?” Dean asked, admiring Sam’s face once again. “A bit chilly maybe”, Sam said, his hand still stroking Dean’s hair. Dean resisted the urge to moan and close his eyes. “You want a hoodie or something? Or maybe some hot chocolate?” Dean asked. “Hot chocolate sounds good”, Sam whispered. Dean smiled and stared at Sam for a second before he forced himself to get up. “Come on then, I’ll make us some hot cocoa”, Dean said and waited for Sam to follow him. Together they went to the kitchen and Sam sat on the counter as Dean dug through the cabinets. He found the cocoa powder and opened the fridge.

“Crap. I forgot to buy milk”, Dean cursed as he stared at the half-empty contents of the refrigerator. “We can mix it with water”, Sam suggested but Dean shook his head. “It doesn’t taste that good and to be honest, I started really getting in the mood for hot chocolate. And those little marshmallows you put in it”, Dean replied, looking thoughtful. He took a look at the clock on the kitchen wall. “There’s a small convenience store just down the road. You up for a little walk?” Dean said and smiled at Sam mischievously. Dean had a clear image of them cuddling up in bed with cups of hot chocolate and maybe some gummy worms and he wasn’t ready to give up on that image just yet. Sam grinned happily. “Of course. Maybe get some candy while we’re at it?” Sam suggested with a smirk. Dean couldn’t help but smile. “You read my mind, Sammy”, he said.

The convenience store was just down the road so they didn’t even bother to take their jackets since the evening was warm and there was no rain like the weather forecast had predicted. The whole time Dean couldn’t stop smiling from ear to ear. At the store, he looked as Sam stared at the candy all serious-looking, like it was a life-changing decision what he ended up picking. Sam caught him staring and smiled at Dean, a small, cute smile. And Dean finally did what he had wanted to do ever since the bowling alley night when Sam had gotten a turkey: he walked the few steps that separated him from Sam and placed a soft kiss on Sam’s lips. It was nothing big, just a small peck on the lips, but the way Sam’s face lit up made Dean regret all the times he had wanted to kiss the boy but hadn’t. He made a mental note to kiss Sam whenever he could because: A. he loved it and B. the way it made Sam smile made Dean’s heart flutter in a whole new way.

They bought some marshmallows, milk and gummy worms and Sour Patch Kids. Sam insisted on paying for the groceries since Dean had paid for the pizzas and after a small argument Dean gave in. Just when they walked out the door, they heard the rumbling sound of a thunder and the rain came pouring down like there was no tomorrow. “Shit, we better get a move on!” Dean said and laughed as they started running. He doubted nothing could spoil his mood, let alone little rain. Well, as it turned out, it was anything but a little rain and even though they raced back to Dean’s place, they were soaking wet when they reached the front door. 

Dean tried to find the right key and they were both panting. As Dean fumbled with the keys, he looked up at Sam. Sam’s long hair was sticking soaking wet on his forehead and his shirt was practically see-through as it was dripping wet as well. Dean saw Sam biting on his lower lip as he eyed Dean up and down. “Good thing we have the hot chocolate after this, huh?” Sam said and they both burst out laughing even though there was nothing that funny about it. It’s just that they were giddy with joy. The next thing Dean knew, was that Sam had pushed him against the glass of the front door and was kissing him. It was soft and gentle and still somehow needy. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and got up on his tippy toes. Sam’s lips were wet from the rain but warm. Dean felt himself shiver and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold or because of Sam.

“Shit, I’m freezing, better get inside”, Sam finally whispered and allowed Dean to open the door. They walked in and practically ran up the stairs to the second floor where Dean’s apartment was. Once they were back at Dean’s place, Dean carried all the stuff they had bought to the kitchen. Sam followed him and when Dean turned to look at the boy, Sam was clearly shivering. “Come on, let’s get some dry clothes before we get pneumonia”, Dean said gently and led Sam to the bathroom. Dean took a huge towel from the cabinet and before Sam had time to react, Dean had wrapped the huge, white towel around Sam and was holding the corners of the towel in his hands. 

Sam was totally wrapped inside the towel, only his face showing. Dean smiled and kissed Sam on the nose which was freezing cold. “I’ll go find you some dry clothes while you dry yourself up, okay?” Dean whispered and took a towel for himself as well before exiting the bathroom. There was no way he could stay in the same room as wet, naked Sam without totally losing it. 

Dean went to his bedroom and stripped himself of the cold, wet clothes. He dried himself quickly with the towel before slipping on some dry boxers, sweats, socks and a hoodie. Just as he was looking for some clothes for Sam, there was a small knock on the door and Sam peaked his head through the door. “I left my clothes in the bathroom to dry. I have sweats with me but I could use some socks and maybe a hoodie or something warm?” Sam said and walked into the room once he saw Dean was already dressed. Dean was just taking his favorite AC/DC hoodie from the closet when he glanced at Sam. He fumbled with the hoodie and almost dropped it. Sure, Sam was wearing the sweats and all, but he was barefoot and shirtless. Dean’s eyes skimmed over Sam’s toned upper body and made a quick stop at the dark, thick treasure trail that started below his navel and ended up somewhere under those low-hanging sweatpants that showed the perfect V-shape of Sam’s lower abdomen. 

“Yeah, of course. Here, take this, I’ll find you some socks”, Dean said and forced himself to look at the sock drawer instead of Sam’s perfectly sculpted abs. ‘How in the hell does a 16-year-old-boy have abs like that?’ Dean thought to himself. Dean dug out a pair of socks and handed them to Sam who put them on happily. Dean was finally able to look at Sam, who was now fully-dressed. Sam’s hair was still a bit damp and messy from the quick towel-dry and his hazel eyes gleamed almost amber in the dim light of Dean’s bedroom. Dean walked up to Sam and put a loose strand of hair back behind Sam’s ear. Sam smiled at him. “You wanna get that hot chocolate now?” Dean murmured. He couldn’t stop smiling. “Yeah”, Sam whispered.

They walked together to the kitchen where Dean dug out two mugs. He warmed up some milk in the microwave and added the cocoa powder and the marshmallows. Then he handed Sam his mug. “It’s really hot, don’t burn your tongue”, Dean said and for once Sam didn’t get offended and tell Dean to stop treating him like a child. Instead Sam just nodded and stared at Dean over the rim of his mug. Dean loved the way Sam looked wearing his hoodie. He had chosen the AC/DC one on purpose; he wanted to see Sam in his favorite article of clothing. The boy looked even better than Dean could have ever imagined.

“You wanna go and warm up under the covers?” Dean asked, loving the eager nod Sam gave him. They went back to Dean’s bedroom and settled under the covers, leaning against the pillows they stacked up behind their backs. The rain was drumming softly against the window but other than that the room around them was quiet and dark. Dean felt like his body was melting from all the pleasant feelings that were coursing through it. His legs felt heavy and warm under the covers. Sam nuzzled up against his side and rested his head against Dean’s shoulder with a content sigh.

“I think this is what happiness is supposed to feel like”, Sam whispered and it made Dean’s heart dance to hear Sam say the exact same thing Dean was thinking. “I think so too”, Dean whispered back. For a while they just laid there quietly, basking in the warmth of each other. “You wanna listen to some music?” Dean asked. He had prepared so many questions in his head he had wanted to ask Sam but the mood didn’t feel right. He didn’t want to ask or answer anything. He just wanted to be with Sam, admiring the peace the boy managed to create inside Dean with just his presence. Sam felt like home, like the quiet place where Dean’s heart could rest.

“Yeah, why not”, Sam said and for a moment Dean had to think what Sam was answering yes to because his brain seemed to swim in some sort of pleasant haze. Then he remembered he had asked about the music. He took the laptop he had stuffed under the bed after they had finished the movie. He opened Spotify and looked at Sam. “Since you’re the guest and you’ve been pretty patiently listening to my music, I think it’s only fair to let you pick the music. So, what’ll it be, Sammy?” Dean asked from the beautiful boy who was curled up against him. “You can pick the music. I don’t care what we listen to. I like your music”, Sam answered but Dean was having none of that. “We always listen to my music. Come on Sam, I wanna know what you like. You’ve never actually told me what kind of music you like to listen to. What do you like?” Dean asked, tilting his head a bit to get a better look of Sam’s face. He was sure Sam had just blushed a bit.

“I don’t know, all sorts I guess. I’m not picky”, Sam said nonchalantly but there was a tone in his voice that made Dean squint his eyes. “I’m not gonna give up until you tell me what you like, Sam. I don’t believe one second you don’t have any favorites. So spill it”, Dean said playfully and nudged Sam gently on the shoulder. Sam’s now prominent blush deepened. “It’s embarrassing”, Sam muttered so quietly Dean barely heard him. Dean raised his eyebrows questionably. “I’m not gonna laugh at you, if that’s what you think, Sammy”, Dean said softly. Sam bit on his lower lip until he blurted out: “Iliktry”. 

Dean tried to hide his smile. “I’m not sure I quite caught that. Wanna try again?” Dean said. Sam closed his eyes and pinched the nape of his nose with his fingers. “I like country, okay? Now come on, laugh”, Sam said, his eyes still closed, like he expected Dean to ridicule him. Dean’s brow furrowed. “Why would I laugh? You have a favorite artist or you want me to put on a country playlist?” Dean asked, resting his fingers against the keyboard expectantly. Sam opened his eyes, looking surprised. “You’re not gonna make fun of me?” Sam asked like it was the most surprising thing he had ever endured. Dean didn’t quite get why Sam was making such a big deal about the whole thing. Dean had a lot of friends who liked to listen to country music. Benny for example absolutely adored old country and bluegrass music. They lived in the South for God’s sake, it’s was almost a given.

“I think I’m missing something here. Why do you assume I would make fun of you?” Dean asked. Sam still looked surprised. “Well, it’s country. It’s a bit, you know, redneck thing to listen to. I once played some country at a Mathletes’ meeting and I still haven’t heard the end of it”, Sam said, rolling his eyes like he was having some truly embarrassing flashbacks. Dean chuckled. “Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly a worldly Mathlete. Hell, I’m probably a lot closer to a redneck so I think country is more than fine by me”, Dean said and typed ‘country’ on the search bar. “Is a playlist okay or do you want something specific?” Dean asked, glancing at Sam who seemed happy and ashamed at the same time. “A playlist’s fine”, Sam said with a smile.

Dean pressed play and laid the laptop on the bedside table. Then he laid back, turning to his side a bit so he was facing Sam more. “I know you have all of that smart, does-well-in-school-and-is-destined-for-a-great-future-thing going on with school and with the Mathletes’ and all, but with me you can be just the way you are. You don’t have to impress me with all the smart stuff, you’re already the smartest person I know. I’m like Cletus the town idiot compared to you, Sam. You know I didn’t even finish high school, right? GED doesn’t exactly scream intelligent”, Dean said and wrapped his arm around Sam. Sam inched closer to Dean. “You’re not stupid just because you didn’t get one freaking diploma. You’re smart Dean, a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for”, Sam whispered softly, making something warm flutter inside Dean’s chest. “Can I tell you a secret?” Dean whispered. His heart hammered hard in his chest and he was sure Sam was able to hear it. He hadn’t told anyone what he was about to tell Sam. “Of course”, Sam murmured. He had pressed his face against Dean’s chest and was nuzzled up comfortably in Dean’s arms. 

“I don’t know how to read”, Dean whispered so quietly he barely heard it himself. Sam was quiet for a moment and all Dean could hear was the hammering of his own heartbeat in his ears. ‘This is it. Now Sam knows how dumb you’re. He’s gonna play it cool tonight because he’s a nice person but from now on he’s gonna distance himself. You knew this was gonna happen. Sam’s so smart, at some point he would see how below him you’re and see what a mistake he’s made. And then he’s gonna leave you. Just like your daddy did’, Dean’s inner demons screamed at him, no matter how hard he tried to silence them.

“Like, you can’t read at all?” Sam asked but instead of ridiculing, his tone was honestly curious. Neutral. Soft. ‘It’s all pretense. He’s a nice boy, he doesn’t wanna hurt your feelings. He’s still gonna leave you though’, Dean’s demons roared. “I can read, sort of. It’s just really hard. The letters don’t seem to stay in their right places and the words go all wonky”, Dean whispered. He hadn’t talked about it since his father had yelled at him after the meeting with teachers. He had just kind of given up trying and decided not to talk about it to anyone. “You have dyslexia?” Sam asked, still neutral. Still kind. Still keeping Dean’s hopes up.

“Yeah. And the irony is, I probably couldn’t even spell the word ‘dyslexia’. Ain’t that funny”, Dean muttered, trying not to sound bitter but ending up sounding so bitter he hated himself for it. “Dean, it’s just fucking dyslexia. Like, at least two people at my class have it and one of them is like some freaking child prodigy or some crap. Having dyslexia doesn’t make you stupid, Dean. And if someone has told you it does, you should’ve just told them to go fuck themselves”, Sam said defiantly. Dean was quiet for a long time because he had absolutely nothing he could say to that. “Dean? You okay?” Sam finally asked. This time he sounded worried.

Dean kissed the top of Sam’s head. “Yeah, yeah I am. Thank you, Sam”, Dean said, his voice a bit strained but he hoped Sam wouldn’t notice it. “You thank me for the weirdest stuff sometimes”, Sam chuckled. Dean wrapped his arms tighter around Sam and drew the boy against his chest. Sam sighed contently. The song changed and Dean allowed the soft music and Sam’s warmth, Sam’s acceptance and kindness, to lull him into some sort of soft haze where everything seemed okay. “I like this song”, Sam whispered. Dean listened to the lyrics.

“I'd sell my soul just to see your face. And I'd break my bones just to heal your pain. In these times I need a saving grace, but time is running out and I'm starting to lose my faith. But if I told you I loved you, would it make you want to stay? I'm sorry for the way I hurt you and making you walk away. I should have took the time to tell you. And if I wrote you a love song and sang it to you every day, would it ever be enough to make you wanna come back home and stay? I can't go another day without you. Would it make you, make you, wanna stay?”

“I bet you do, you big softy”, Dean murmured teasingly but the words were more kind than teasing. Sam felt so good in his arms, so warm and reassuring and right. Like Sam was the thing Dean had been missing his whole life. At some point Dean had apparently fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, Sam nudged him softly on the arm and got out of the bed. “Dean I’ma go make the bed in the living room and to sleep. Goodnight”, Sam whispered and turned to leave but before he had time, Dean had grabbed his sleeve. Sam turned to look at him questionably. 

“Don’t go. I want you to sleep here. Stay with me”, Dean whispered. Sam smiled softly and got back into the bed. “Who’s the big softy now”, he whispered, but pressed himself back into Dean’s embrace. Dean pressed the boy tightly against his chest. “Goodnight, Sammy”, Dean whispered, kissing Sam’s hair. Sam sighed contently. “Goodnight, Dean”.


End file.
